


Searching for The Cure

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [3]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Dad Alistair, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-03 18:03:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5301392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is what takes place between "Love & Darkspawn" and "Finding Life Again" to the various characters.</p><p>Mainly will be King Alistair and Princess Ele, but will also check in with the Hero, Nathaniel Howe, Anders and Cullen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 7th Nameday

**Author's Note:**

> AHD = After Hero Disappears (ie when she leaves Denerim at the end of "Love & Darkspawn")  
> ACE = After Chantry Explodes (Kirkwall)
> 
> If you like this, PLEASE leave me a Kudos or a comment to let me know. I can't tell you how much it makes my day when you do.

**1 month AHD; 2 months BCE**

 

Alistair looked over the maps on his desk, and rubbed his neck.  _Maker,_ he thought,  _these meetings almost make me miss the Blight. Almost_ . As he read the report his advisers had produced and looked again at the map, trying to figure out where he could offer aid to the mages fleeing Kirkwall, and the circles. He'd just returned from there two days prior, disturbed with what he had seen. He could hear the door creek open to his office, and small feet pad across the room. A smile came to his mouth as he pretended to still be intently staring at the map. Only one person would enter his office without knocking, and there was only one small being there who would pad about so quiet.

 

Just as the intruder came within a foot of the King he spun around quickly, snatching her up in the air. A squeal and loud giggling filled the room as he spun the Princess around in a circle. Alistair collapsed onto his chair, settling her in his lap. She looked so much like her father, minus the pointed ears, but she had the compassion, humor, and sadly, temper, of her mother. For Alistair it was a piece of the friends he missed so dearly right here.

 

“How did you know I needed a break, Ele?” he laughed, rubbing noses with the laughing child.

 

She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I was bored, Uncle King. And you missed lunch.”

 

“Ah, sorry my dear. I have all this to prepare for” his indicated the maps and papers with his arm. “I'd much rather spend the day in the gardens with you. How about if I promise all day tomorrow I'm yours. Will that make up for me missing lunch?”

 

The Princess nodded, and snuggled against Alistair's chest. “You miss your mother?” he asked, already knowing the answer, especially with the upcoming date.

 

She nodded. “It's my Nameday next week. I'll be seven. Do you think she'll be there?”

 

Alistair's heart broke for his ward. Such a young age, and to have already lost her family. He tried his best to fill the void as he could, but he knew he could only do so much for her. He hugged the girl close. “I wish she would, but I think she's still looking for a cure for her illness. Plus she still needs to keep the Crows away from Denerim. You remember why?”

 

She nodded against his chest, “They killed Papá.”

 

“Yes. She doesn't want to be away from you. Don't forget that Ele. Your Mamá loves you very very much, and she is trying to keep the Crows away from you. As soon as she can do that for good, she will come back and when she does we won't let her leave you again, ok?”

 

The girl nodded again, snuggling into the King some more. She'd only been living with him about a month, but he was quickly finding he was coming to love her as his own. It was nice to once again have someone in his life that didn't care that he was King, wasn't looking to get something out of him. She just loved him for him, and wanted nothing more than to be with him, the Princess had little interest that he was King. To her he was just her beloved Alistair that made her laugh, and played games, told fantastic stories, ate too much cheese, and was just all around fun. He was who she came to when she fell down and had a scrape, when there were nightmares, or she missed her parents. She knew he could make the pain better. It had been a big adjustment for the bachelor King, having to transfer from just being a fun friend to parent, and he knew he didn't always get it right, but the Nanny he'd hired had been helpful. She'd taken pity on the monarch, and helped him learn what to do. Slowly the Princess and the King were adjusting to the change in their relationship. Alistair was grateful that through it all, they still had the inside jokes, and the laughter they always had. He took soloace that he had not lost that connection with her.

 

“Do you want me to tuck you in for a nap, maybe tell you a story about when I first met your Mamá?” he asked the girl curled into his arms.

 

She nodded and he could hear a small yawn. He picked her up, his heart warming as she rested her head on his shoulder while he carried her off to her bedroom. “After, when you wake up, come find me again and we'll take our dinner on the balcony, ok?”

 

“Ok,” she replied with another yawn. She only made it about five minutes into the King's story before she was fast asleep.

 


	2. Finding Comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW chapter

**5 months AHD; 2 months ACE**

 

Nathaniel Howe ran his hand over his face as he entered his pitch black bedroom. It was well after midnight, and he was feeling exhausted. It seemed like just yesterday everything was happy go lucky. He had been on a camping trip with his best friend, Fergus Cousland, and the Princess Ele just a few weeks ago. Those trips had become a surprising joy to him, Eleanor's spirit reminding him so much of Fergus' sister, Arianna, harking back to days of his youth, when him and the Cousland duo would spend their summers hunting, fishing and enjoying the carefree life of youth. 

 

Then that damn mage went and started a war, blowing up the Chantry in Kirkwall two months ago. Since then, Nate's life had changed to one of constant meetings with Wardens and with representatives of local citizens. Too many had thought the Wardens were behind this war since Anders was a Warden. He was struggling as the Warden-Commander, to keep the Wardens from being pulled into the fighting. Local citizens were either cursing them, and wanting them gone, or were praising them, both for the mistaken belief that they were taking the mages' sides in this.

 

Nate's closed the door behind him. He again ran both hands over his face, wishing he could rub away the aggravation that had become his life. He had once upon a time been delighted at his promotion, now he was wondering if this wasn't a curse. His hand went to the hilt of his dagger as he noticed movement near his bed. No one should be in here, and the thought that it could be a Crow, here to get to Arianna through him crossed his mind. He started to slowly pull the dagger from the sheath when he heard her speak.

 

“Nate,” it was barely a whisper, but it was a voice he'd know anywhere, even though it had been over five months since he had last heard it. That voice was a constant in his dreams. His hand immediately left the dagger.

 

“Ri?” he asked, striding to the bed where she sat. He removed his breastplate, setting it on the armor rack as his eyes adjusted to the dark.

 

“Today was supposed to be eight years,” she said, not much louder than when she had first spoke.

 

His brain raced to figure out what she meant, and then he felt his heart ache when it hit him. Her wedding anniversary, the first since Zevran had been killed. “Oh, Ri,” he answered, mournfully, sitting beside her and pulling her to him.

 

“I missed her Nameday. She's seven,” she mumbled through the tears.

 

He held her close, running a comforting hand along her back while he felt the silent sobs wrack her body. His joy at seeing his friend that he had missed so much was now tempered by her broken heart. When she seemed to slow her crying he leaned back, wiping the tears from her eyes with a thumb. It had been over ten years since they had been in love, but looking at her this close, feeling her in his arms, it was easy to forget that had been a lifetime ago. Looking at her as close as she was, it would be so easy to tip his head down and kiss her. To see if her kisses were as good as his dreams remembered them to be.

 

_ She's your friend, she came here to be safe, keep in line Howe.  _ He thought to himself. He kissed the top of her head affectionately, waiting for her to speak, giving her the time she needed.

 

“Can I stay here? For tonight. I have to keep moving, but I don't want to be alone tonight,” she looked into his eyes, sniffling, seeming so small at that moment.

 

“Of course, Ri. You always have a place here, anytime you need it. Anytime.” Nate ran his hand along her back reassuringly again. He stood, and walked to his wardrobe, pulling off the rest of his Warden Armor, and placing it on his stand with the breastplate. He reached into a drawer and handed her one of his shirts, and then turned away to give her privacy to change while he changed into his sleep shirt and sleep pants. Hearing her settle under the covers, he turned back around and crawled in behind her.

 

She shuffled back towards him, facing away from him. Nate held out one arm for her to lie on, wrapping his other around her and holding her close as they spooned. She wrapped her arms around one of his, and he hugged her close, kissing the back of her head gently. It had been so long since the last time she had been in his bed, but he was surprised to find how quickly it felt normal. She fit so perfectly in his arms, it was as if no time had passed.

 

“Goodnight, Nate,” she said, with a yawn.

 

“Goodnight, Ri,” Nathaniel replied, squeezing his arm into a hug around her again. He waited until she fell asleep before nodding off himself.

 

*** 

 

They slept for a few hours, the most peaceful sleep Nate could remember having in recent years. He dreamed about a time when they were all in their teens. He, Fergus and Arianna tracking a deer, a large buck. Fergus had been trying,without luck, to get a shot with his bow. He and Nate were behind a tree, Arianna having moved off to find her own spot to track. Fergus grumbled about not being able to get a clear shot. As the deer moved near a bush, a blade suddenly appeared, slicing the animal's neck, it dropping seconds later. A moment after that Arianna emerged from the bush, a large grin on her face.

 

“You're kidding me! Andraste's ass!” Fergus grumbled. He spent the rest of the afternoon, the entire way back to Highever with the dead deer in tow, griping about how Arianna had killed the deer instead of him. Nate chuckled, amused at the young girl having bested her brother.

 

Nate awoke feeling Arianna rotating so that she was now facing him. He looked down to her face, seeing her eyes open. Her small hands began to run along his chest over his shirt, down across the muscles of his abdomen, all the while she continued looking into his eyes. His body remembered the feel of her, and started to react to their closeness.

 

“Ri?” he couldn't take his eyes off her face. Was she really awake? Did she know the effect she was having on him?

 

“Nate,” she replied barely above a whisper. One hand lifted to touch his cheek. His eyes fell to her lips as her tongue emerged, wetting them. He could feel his body hardening while he watched her, feeling her breath so close that it hit his chest. Her hand on his face brushing along his jaw. Those lips he could remember kissing, knowing how soft they were, only a few inches away.

 

“Ri, I'm trying really hard to be a good man here. You're not making this easy,” his voice husky with desire. He wanted to give her a chance to put a stop to this, whatever this was, because he wasn't sure he could stop on his own. Her warm breath on his neck was going directly to his cock, making him harder by the second.

 

“I just... I want to forget I'm alone, just for tonight. Please don't be a good man, Nate. Please, just love me, just for tonight,” she pleaded, still staring right into his eyes.

 

His resolve broke at her words. He wanted to tell her his love for her wasn’t just for tonight. That he’d been keeping it close for years, but it was there. He bent his head, capturing her lips, starting with a soft kiss, his tongue brushing against hers when she let out a soft moan. His arms pulled her in closer, until she was flush against him, knowing she could now feel the effect she was having on him. He rolled them so that she was now under him.

 

“Ri, are you sure?” he asked, watching her face for any sign of uncertainty.

 

“I knew what I wanted when I came here, Nate,” she reassured him, wrapping her arms around him pulling him back down for another passionate kiss.

 

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he said against her lips, before kissing her again. Nathaniel ran his hands along her sides, pulling his shirt on her up as his hands moved back up her body. She leaned up to let him remove it from her. When he did, he looked at her. Her body looked much as he remembered it, just as it had looked in his occasional dream, but with some scars that had not been there before. He felt her hands running along him, trying to remove his shirt. Nathaniel reached back with one hand, pulling it off of him, letting her take him in. She ran her hands along his chest, watching as the muscles constricted where she touched him. His body responded immediately, remembering her touch, and reacting with desire.

 

He didn't even need to think, he remembered on pure instinct where she liked to be touched, kissed, caressed. He pressed himself against her, kissing behind her ear, hearing her moan as he knew she would. 

 

“So beautiful,” he whispered, his hand running along her ribs, just below her breast, he could feel a shiver run through her. He continued kissing down her neck, slow, his mouth open, tasting her down to her chest, until he was low enough to take a breast into his mouth. He smiled as she arched against him and called out his name. He took the neglected breast in one hand, teasing the nipple to a peak. His other hand snaked its way down, against her tight stomach, into her smalls. He ran it through the curls there, before running two fingers down her slit. Beneath him, her breath hitched. He switched breasts between his hand and mouth, while his other found her clit with his thumb. She arched again at the pressure, her hands, that had been clutching to the sheets, now ran through his hair, and clutched to his back. His name falling from her lips again, more of a moan than anything. He didn't even care that others in the Keep could probably hear her. His body was screaming for her at this point, his cock twitching against her thigh, desperate to reach her.

 

Nate worked his way back up her body, while his one hand remained in her smalls. Rubbing and pressing, while she squirmed against him. Feeling her writhe beneath him felt so natural, like it was where she belonged. He kissed her lips again, then pulled his head back slightly to look at her while he pressed two fingers into her. He felt a sense of pride as she arched again, her eyes closing, her head rolling back, her mouth moving into a silent O. He was doing this to her. In all of Thedas, she had sought out him to give her pleasure, and he would not disappoint.

 

She whined when he removed his hand from her. He used that hand to pull her smalls from her, Arianna bending her legs to help him. He sat up pulling his own pants from himself, before lying back down on top of her. He closed his eyes, feeling her under him, her hands running along his back felt better than he remembered. He stroked her cheek with his hand which she leaned into. Nate moved his head back down and kissed her softly as he entered her. Her legs wrapped around his hips, her nails digging into his back, as she tilted her head back, calling out his name again. Nate kissed her cheek moving to her ear he whispered “You feel so good, so incredible. Oh Maker, Ri, so fucking good.”

 

Nate had spent his years in the Free Marches not only learning to be a blacksmith, but perfecting the art of making the toes of young women curl. He knew his way intimately around the female body. He knew how to make Arianna scream and howl if he wanted. But that wasn't what he wanted now, he knew that wasn't what she needed from him. He wanted her to feel comfort, to know that she was adored, and cared for. Tonight he made love to her slow. He wanted her to feel every part of him, know that she was safe in his arms, that she was not just another woman in his bed. He wanted her to know that she was special, precious to him. One arm ran under her back, pulling her close to him, his other ran through her short hair, along her cheek, while they kissed softly as he moved inside her in long, slow, deliberate strokes.

 

*** 

 

Nate laid on his back. Arianna was on her side, wrapped around him, her head on his chest along with a hand, her leg tangled with his. He had one arm wrapped around her back, his other hand laying along her hip. He kissed her head softly. She was sleeping soundly in his arms.

 

He knew she'd be leaving in the morning. What he was surprised to find was that knowing that was not as upsetting as he thought it might be. He knew that he’d always carry his love for her, that it would never fully go away, but he felt at peace that perhaps he could finally move on. She would always be special to him, always be important. She would forever be the first woman, and at this moment, the only, that he had ever loved. He fell asleep with her in his arms, hoping he had been able to bring her some comfort that night.

 

*** 

 

Nate awoke feeling the emptiness of the bed. At first he thought she had left while he slept, but raising his head, he saw her looking out the window, in his shirt again, and nothing else. The shirt coming almost to her knees still gave her some modesty. He slid out of the bed, pulling on his sleep pants. Nate walked behind her, grinning when she leaned back against him when he was close. He wrapped his arms around her waist and just looked out the window with her, giving her time to her thoughts. He smiled to himself realizing she had come to him because she knew him so well. She knew him enough to know that he would not be enough of a gentleman to push her away, but would be enough of one to know what it was she needed, and to take care of her, and care for her and her heart.

 

Arianna leaned her head up and looked at him, giving him a small smile. “Thank you, Nate.”

 

He bent his head down kissing the top of her head, squeezing her in his arms. A knock at the door caught his attention. “Stay here,” he told her to which she nodded.

 

He opened the door, wearing just his sleep pants, hoping as he did that it was not one of the younger female recruits on the other side. 

 

Oghren stood there when the door was open. “Commander. Came to see if you'd join me for breakfast.” the dwarf said, his eyes taking note of Nathaniel's state of dress, or undress. Oghren's eyes moved around Nate, and he raised an eyebrow, realizing who was in the room with Nathaniel.

 

“I will be busy this morning. Could you request breakfast sent up for me?” Oghren nodded, starting to turn away. “Oghren,” Nathaniel called, the dwarf turning back around. “You never saw her here, understood.” Oghren nodded, a small grin on his face as he left.

 

“You do know he's not going to follow that order, right?” Arianna said with a sly grin.

 

“Yes,” Nathaniel sighed, running his hand through his head. “But I'm hopeful he'll at least keep quiet long enough for you to... you don't have to leave if you don't wish.”

 

She shook her head, “I can't stay, it's not safe,” she looked back to the window. “Tell me about her.”

 

Nathaniel smiled, sitting in his chair, wrapping an arm around Arianna when she sat in his lap. He knew she was asking about Eleanor without her having to say it. “She's just like you were at that age. Full of mischief, easy to laugh. And she's full of compassion. She tells me she worried about Fergus being alone. She misses you, we talk about you often. She loves hearing stories about when you were her age.” 

 

Arianna leaned her head against the top of his head. “Thanks, Nate. Thanks for being there for her.”

 

Nathaniel said nothing, but ran his hands along her side in comfort.

 

“How are you holding up?” she asked him, her face in the crook of his neck now.

 

“You know about Kirkwall?” he asked.

 

Arianna nodded. “I came from there. Had to check on a friend.”

 

“Half the people blame the Wardens because of Anders. I'm spending more time trying to undo the damage he did to us.”

 

“I'm sorry I left this all to you to face,” she said quietly in his neck.

 

Nathaniel squeezed her again reassuringly and placed a kiss to her cheek. “It's a small price to pay to keep you safe.”

 

*** 

 

After breakfast was complete, they both stood, having dressed. Him in his Warden gear, her in her traveling gear once again.

 

“Vigil's Keep will always be a safe place if you ever need it. As will I. I meant what I said months ago, Ri. I’ll leave all this and come with you if you ever wish it,” he pulled her into a final hug.

 

She nodded, clinging to him for a few minutes more, before she climbed out the same window she had entered from, disappearing into the late morning.


	3. Finding a Commander

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short update -- sorry :p

**8 months AHD; 5 months ACE**

 

“Knight-Commander?”

 

Cullen turned around to face the woman who was addressing him. She had long red hair, with a gray head wrap over her armor. She seemed slightly familiar, but he was unable to place her face. Since the Chantry explosion, he'd gotten used to so many unfamiliar faces. Some were just citizens seeking him out to thank him for fighting against Meredith, or for helping to repair the city. Others were curious onlookers, sometime asking so many questions it made is head hurt. And still others would show, blaming him either for the explosion and loss of life, or for letting Anders go. That last group was his least favorite. He couldn't surmise which she was.

 

He nodded to her. “Knight-Commander Rutherford. How can I help you, Lady...?”

 

Her expression changed to one of amusement. “You don't remember meeting me, do you? You really know how to break a woman's heart.” She teased, her manner was light, showing she wasn't really that hurt.

 

“I'm sorry, Serrah. To say it's been a trying few months is an understatement. Please forgive.” He replied.

 

She waved it off with a flick of her hand. “No apologies needed, it was many years ago, at the wedding of a mutual friend. Although I must say, Templar armor looks almost as good on you as your formal wear did then.”

 

Cullen blushed, “I ah...” he coughed to regain his formal stance. “Did you actually _need_ something, Lady...?”

 

“Leliana,” she answered.

 

Recognition flashed in his eyes, “Ahh, Ari's friend. Yes, yes, sorry.” He signaled with his arm for her to enter his office. Once inside with the door closed they both sat.

 

She laughed again. “Well, she's why I'm here actually.” When she moved to shuffle to the other foot he saw the emblem of the Inquisition on her necklace. His stance returned to a formal one.

 

“I'm afraid I don't know where the Hero is,” he replied gruffly. Even if he did know where to find her, he wasn't about to let the Inquisition get to her.

 

“That's not why I'm here. I know how to find her already, but, lets keep that between us.” she winked. “I'm here about this letter from her. We're in need of a Commander of our armies. Our mutual friend suggested to me that you might be thinking of a career change. She couldn't recommend you enough. I have her letter here if you'd like to see what she had to say, but I leave at the end of the week to return to our camp. I would love to be able to bring a Commander back with us.”

 

Cullen read the note, blushing at the accolades the Hero had written about him. “Allow me a day to think on it.”

 

Leliana nodded and left promising to return the next day.


	4. Highever

**9 months AHD; 6 months ACE**

 

“Can we go ride the horses and fish tomorrow, Uncle Nate?” Eleanor asked, sitting on the floor by the fire, playing with her stuffed Druffalo, Biff. They were in Highever, home to Fergus Cousland. Fergus was in another room finishing up some business as Teyrn, leaving Nate and Eleanor to play in the study. These trips had become something Nate looked forward to. He didn't get to visit with his friend, Fergus, as much as he might like, both having demanding jobs that took their time. But when he could, he'd try to arrange so that his visits coincided with the Princess' so that they could all reconnect.

 

This time was even better, as Fergus had introduced them to Elissa. It was clear from the way Fergus had looked at her, that this woman was special. Nate hadn't seen his friend look at anyone that way since Oriana. It was good to see him find some happiness after so many years alone.

 

“Of course we can, maybe we'll even let Uncle Fergus come too.” he teased her.

 

Eleanor laughed, as Fergus entered. “Just what are you two leaving me out of this time?” he asked as he patted his niece on the head before sitting down in a nearby chair.

 

“We're going to go out tomorrow, fishing and horses. You too.” she said, more an order than a request.

 

Fergus chuckled. She had his sister's spirit, and bossiness. Having her there made him miss her a little less. Every few months she would come from Denerim and spend two weeks. It would officially be as her coming as Princess Ele to learn the ways of the ruling, and understand how Teyrns ran the land. The real reason, however was just to visit her Uncle, but none but the King, Nate and Fergus knew that for real. The servants had all just been told she referred to Fergus as “Uncle” because of his close connection to the King.

 

“Yes Serrah,” he teased. “However right now it's time for Princesses to be off to bed.” he stated as her Nanny entered.

 

She picked up Biff, and took turns giving both him and Nate a kiss and hug good night before letting the Nanny lead her to bed.

 

Nate handed Fergus a glass of whiskey as he sat back into his own chair. “It's nice to have the sound of a child in these halls again,” Fergus sighed looking into the fire. “It's been too quiet. When she's here, it feels like a home again.”

 

“I think she enjoys the time with you as well,” Nate nodded.

 

As Nate sipped the whiskey Fergus faced him, “So, heard from Ari at all?”.

 

Nate spit the alcohol he was drinking as he coughed, his mind immediately flashing to that night in his bedroom in Vigils Keep.

 

Fergus raised an eyebrow and then let out a hardy laugh as he took a gulp of his drink. “I'll take that as a yes, and that I don't want the details. Maker, what is it with you and my sister.” he chuckled again seeing Nate blush.

 

“It was... She was.... she started it,” he blurted out flustered, causing another round of laughter from Fergus.


	5. Yet Another Town

**11 months AHD; 8 months ACE**

 

He sat in the back of a Gwaren tavern in Southern Ferelden, quietly eating the stew they claimed was beef, but he wasn't so sure. He tried to make himself look as unremarkable and unnoticeable as he could. Or as unnoticeable as a six foot tall mage with a large staff beside him could look. This was what, he thought, the 8th town in as many months since he'd become the most hated man in all of Thedas. He was never able to stay anywhere long. Either someone would figure out who he was, or Justice would decide to pop up at just the wrong moment. Both resulted in him being chased from town or having to sneak away in the dead of night.

 

He ate his stew, looking at the spoon. It reminded him of the ones Hawke had. His mind wandered back to that time. To when he lived at her estate. It had been so long since he'd had a roommate, a best friend, heck any friends. He threw all that away the minute the Chantry blew up. For some unknown reason she had spared his life, but she banished him just the same. He wondered what became of them. Did she and Fenris marry? Was there little broody babies on the way?

 

He curled in on himself even more when he noticed a Templar enter. He was fairly certain that he would no long be protected from them. The Warden-Commander probably withdrew her protection as soon as she heard what had happened. The Commander. One more friend he could cross of the list, she probably hated him more than Hawke. He could forget Denerim being safe to him any more, her Crow, Zevran, would probably slice him down if he went anywhere near the Commander.

 

Anders waited until the Templar was long gone before he dared to exit himself. It was getting late, he'd need to find an alley or somewhere else to sleep. What little coin he had was running low. He'd need to find work again soon.

 

“Please, Messere, but my husband is ill, you must help us,” he heard a woman cry out.

 

“Without coin, there is nothing I can do for you,” then a door shut.

 

Anders turned the corner seeing the woman, with two small children in her arms looking crestfallen. He sighed, he knew it was risky, but it was in his nature to help.

 

**You risk too much to help. We need to get out of this town, to where we can hide.**

_It's more than mages that need help, Justice. Now shut it._

 

“Serrah,” he approached the woman, hands held up to show he meant no harm. “I heard you are in need of a healer.”

 

She looked him up and down, judging his intent. “I have no money to pay you.”

 

Anders shook his head. “I won't ask for any. If you have a warm room for the night, I would take that, but I will help even if you don't”

 

The woman continued to eye him suspiciously but nodded and turned to walk, he followed behind.

 

When they arrived, she showed him to the bedroom where her husband lay. Anders sighed, realizing he should have already cleared the air. “Serrah, before I begin.... I'm a mage.”

 

She cut him off, “I don't care if you're the bloody Maker himself, all I care about is if you can heal my husband.”

 

Anders chuckled in relief as he nodded. His hands glowed as he inspected the man. It was an infection, but not something he couldn't fix. Anders rolled up his sleeves and began to work. After over an hour of healing he pulled away. The woman moved to his side quickly, Carla she said her name was, her husband Michael. Anders looked to her, “He will be ok. He just needs to rest now, by afternoon tomorrow he should be up and feeling nearly good as new.”

 

“Thank the maker,” she took his hand shaking it gratefully and then leading him back into the main room.

 

She placed a drink in his hand, and directed him to sit by the fire. “The children can share a room for the night, we'll put you over there” she pointed to one of the bedrooms.

 

Anders nodded and made himself comfortable in the chair. While the family was obviously poor, they still reflected to him more than he had ever had. More then he would probably ever have, and what he wanted more than any other desire in his heart. It was a family, a mother and father, and two adorable children. It was a home, with a warm fireplace, and filled with love and the sounds of the children playing. His heart simultaneously soared and broke at the image before him. A beautiful sight, but one that would never be his.

 

He looked up to see the little girl standing beside him. She held a wooden horse. “My horse is named Mara just like Princess Ele's horse.” She then ran back over to her brother continuing her play.

 

“She's obsessed with having everything like the Princess. Had to find her blue ribbon for her hair so she had something the same color as the dress Princess Ele wore on her Nameday this year.” Carla explained, picking up some knitting needles and sitting in a chair.

 

Anders nodded and sat back again staring at the fire. Even the King, despite being a Warden like Anders, got to have a family, or at least a child. It wasn't likely someone would give a fugitive like him a child to raise. It wasn't even likely this family, who was being so warm, would be as kind if they knew who he really was.

 

As he fell asleep that night, listening to Carla sing her children to sleep, he felt tears form. He'd have to be out before first light, before Carla and Michael had a chance to start asking questions. Before anyone got a chance to really get a look at him and figure out who he was. Before Justice took over and there was a repeat of the town in the Free Marches. Justice had decided that someone was too nosy and before Anders could take back control, Justice had set the poor man on fire. As he walked the fade that night, he dreamed of sitting in a bar in Kirkwall, surrounded by friends.   


	6. Letter from a Friend - Haven

**1 yr 1 month AHE; 10 months ACE**

“You there, that's a shield in your hand. Use it! If that man were your enemy you'd be dead.” Cullen growled at his men during drills. _Maker help us,_ he thought. These new recruits were rough, he worried how he'd be able to work them into an army. His only saving grace was his Captain, and a few others who had come with him from Kirkwall. They had served under him in the Templars, and each was reliable and trustworthy. He was grateful for the support they had shown in him, leaving the Templars to follow him to the Inquisition. Just as he was in Kirkwall, Rylen had become his right hand man here, and it had been a no brainer to make him Captain.

Cullen's dire mood lightened considerably when he saw the Herald walking towards him. Evelyn Trevelyn was like a walking goddess as far as he was concerned. He knew she'd never see anything in him except as her Commander, but he still took pleasure in her company. Any day he got to speak to her was instantly brighter. Not even the lyrium withdrawal symptoms could keep him from the feelings of warmth and of joy he got just from being in her presence.

“Herald,” he greeted her, nodding his head towards her, unable to stop the curl of his lip into a smirk. “We've received a number of new recruits. None made _quiet_ the entrance you did.”

“At least I got everyone's attention,” she smiled back.

“That you did,” he chuckled.

As they walked he asked her how she was adjusting. Evelyn shrugged. “Alright I suppose. It would be nice, Commander, if not everyone saw me as a Herald. Just to have one friend.... would it be too forward to ask...,” she blushed. He didn't think she could be cuter, but seeing her blush, he knew he was wrong. “Perhaps, when we're not needing to work, you could call me Evelyn?”

Oh, he could definitely do that, he thought. He grinned again, and spoke softly, “I would very much like that. As long as you call me Cullen.” She blushed again and then looked at the ground. It set his heart fluttering to know he was having this affect on her.

“I'd like that, Cullen,” she gave him a shy smile.

A messenger approached. “Commander, Ser. Sister Nightingale said to give this to you right away.” he handed Cullen a sealed letter. That in itself was odd, as Leliana normally opened all correspondence. Seeing his name on the front, he realized why. It was handwriting he'd know anywhere, after exchanging letters with the writer for over a decade.

Evelyn noticed it was feminine writing on the envelope, and felt her heart sink. “Someone special?” she asked indicating the letter in his hand.

“Yes,” he answered and then immediately realized the implications of what he had said. “I mean no, I mean, it's from a friend, but just a friend, not special in that way. I mean she's special, but she's not...”

Evelyn grinned, he was so darn cute when he got flustered. Here this rough man could command an entire arm, calling out orders but somehow when it was just the two of them, he'd stumble. It made him more real, more enduring, more approachable to her. “I understand,” she grinned to show she really did. “I'll leave you to your letter, Cullen. Maybe... maybe a drink at the Tavern later?”

“I would enjoy that.” he nodded, smirking again before turning to enter his tent.

***

_Cullen -_

_I've made such a mess of everything. I'm no sooner to finding the cure than I was when I left and now I'm sitting her in this tavern drunk and I'm not sure if the man staring at me from across the room is a Crow or just wants to talk._

_How is the I_ ~~_nki_ ~~ _I_ ~~_nquz_ ~~ _How's the new job?_

_She hates me, I know she does, how can she not. I missed her Nameday. I'm going to miss her next one too. She'll be eight. What kind of mother misses her own daughter’s Nameday? I'm the worst mother, I know she hates me. She's better off with Ali._

_I can't do anything right. Can't find the cure, can't take care of Eleanor. I can't even be a good wife. I spent our Anniversary in another man's arms. Instead of thinking of Zev I slept with an old beau. Actually, he was more than that. Before the blight, he was my betrothed. Zev is probably in the Fade cursing me now._

_Do you hate me now? What a joke the Hero is, huh? I should just_ ~~_dissss_ ~~ ~~_disappp_ ~~ _go away._

_I just, I don't know, but I wish you were here for me to talk to. Am I doing the right thing? I'm not even sure the Crows are following. Maker, I hope she's safe._

_-A_

***

Cullen held his hand in his head. He wanted nothing more than to hold his friend in his arms and tell her everything would be ok. He was kicking himself for not remembering their anniversary, or how missing the Princess' Nameday would affect Ari. Not that he knew how to find her if he had. Her letter was so full of pain, it hurt his heart. It was clear from how sloppy her handwriting had been that she was probably fairly drunk when she had written it.

He took a parchment and a quill. He had no idea where she was, but he had little doubt that Leliana would know how to get the message to her.

***

_Ari-_

_Trust me when I tell you Eleanor does not hate you. She loves and misses you very much, and talks about you constantly. You are not, under any circumstance a bad mother. You are doing what you need to protect her. She knows that, as do the rest of us._

_Please, don't beat yourself up over anything that you've done. You are still mourning, no one can fault you for looking for comfort. I just hope this man was able to give that to you. You are not a bad person for wanting to escape your pain._

_I should have been there for you. I don't know where you are or where you'll be, but I'll make you a promise. Next year, on your Anniversary, I will meet you. There's a small tavern, The Dusty Noble, just outside of Val Royeaux. I'll be there. If you are there, we can have a memorial for Zevran and share stories if you want, and just talk._

_We've set up in Haven. This is a safe place if you ever need it._

_You are loved, do not forget that._

_-Cullen_

She read the letter twice. It was good to hear from him, she just wished she could remember writing him in the first place, which probably meant she had been fairly drunk. _What did I tell him?_ Ari wondered.


	7. Childhood - Denerim

**1 yr 3 m AHD; 1 yr ACE**

 

Princess Ele sat on the floor of King Alistair's bedroom drawing while he sat in a chair near the fire reading through reports from his advisers. He could tell her picture was of the Hero and her. It looked like they were dancing together at a ball. The King put the paper work down on a side table and leaned so that his elbows rested on his knees in the chair.

 

“Who's that for, Ele?” he asked her.

 

“Uncle Cullen said if I sent him a picture he could get it to Mamá.” she said without looking up.

 

Alistair wondered how the Inquisition would be able to find her when he hadn't been able to. Then he remembered their Spymaster. If anyone knew how to track her, it'd be Leliana. He was grateful that they were allies, he'd hate to be on her bad side.

 

“I think she will love it,” he grinned at her.

 

The girl sat back, her legs folded under her and watched her drawing. The look in her eyes told him she had something to ask, but was either thinking on how to ask, or was perhaps afraid to ask. He'd learned in the time she'd been there that he should just let her come to him. That if he tried to pry anything out of her, she'd clam up. So he sat patiently waiting for her to decide.

 

The Princess sighed, and then looked at him. “Uncle King?”

 

“Yes, Ele.” He replied, giving her a smirk that usually made her giggle, but this time she didn't, which told him whatever it was she needed to talk about bothered her.

 

“What does flat-eared rabbit mean?”.

 

Alistair gripped his chair, trying to hide his anger, he didn't want her to think at all that he was upset with her. He wanted her to always feel comfortable to ask him anything. He sat up straight and held his arm out to her. The Princess stood up and climbed into his lap.

 

“Where'd you hear that, sweetheart?” he asked, keeping his voice calm. He was never more thankful for all the training Ari Cousland had given him during the blight in learning how to hide his emotions when necessary. He was never comfortable playing The Game, but it had come in handy in his years as King.

 

“Lady Guerrin said to her aide that she couldn't believe that you'd leave the throne to a flat-eared rabbit.” she explained. “But what's a flat-eared rabbit mean?”

 

“It means that Lady Guerrin and I are going to have a long talk.” the King said, brushing back her hair tenderly. He kissed her forehead. This was a conversation he'd hoped he wouldn't ever have to have with her. “It's a very mean thing to call someone, and it's not something the Lady should have said.”

 

“Who was she calling that? Her aide? He didn't seem mad when she said it.” she asked confused.

 

“I...” He signed, this was one of those things he hoped not to get wrong as her guardian. “ I'm going to tell you the truth, Ele. But before I do, I want you to understand that Lady Guerrin is very wrong with what she said, and it's not ok. I want you to know it was very good for you to ask me and that I'm going to take care of this, ok?” She nodded in reply, and the King held her tiny hand in his as he spoke. “What she said, was a very mean name to call someone who has one parent that is an elf and another that is human.”

 

Eleanor looked at the ground and then back up with tears in her eyes. “She meant me.” she whispered as her lip quivered.

 

Alistair pulled her close to him and tried very hard to control the anger he had at that moment that someone had made her cry. He kissed the top of her head and gave her a large hug. He then pulled her back and leaned down so she could see his face better. “Do you know what? She is just a mean lady. She was very mean to me when I was your age, and she is not worth your tears. There is nothing at all wrong with you, you are absolutely perfect just how you are, and I love you very much. I am so very happy you are here, and I couldn't think of someone better to be my Princess. Anyone that can't see how beautiful and kind and special you are is just wrong.”

 

The Princess nodded, drying her tears with her hand. The King took her face in his large hand and kissed both her cheeks repeatedly until she started laughing. “Let's you and I go send that picture to your Uncle Cullen and then we can raid the kitchen, I think there's still some cookies left from dinner.”

 

The Princess nodded. She crawled out of his lap and picked up her drawing. Taking his hand they headed to his office. Once in the hallway she stopped, and tugged on his arm. The King bent down to her level and she threw her arms around his neck. “I love you, Uncle King” she whispered into his ear.

 

“And I love you too, Ele. Very much.” He smiled, and picked her up carrying her to his office to address her drawing.

 

***

 

After tucking in the Princess for the night the King stormed down to his private training square. He'd done his best all night to keep his mood light and lift her spirits, but Ele was clearly still bothered by the Arlessa's words and went to bed with tears still in her eyes, breaking the King's heart. He worried that he was failing as her only parental figure. Surely Ari or Zevran would know exactly what to say to make it all better, he thought. Maybe he should have lied to her about what Isolde had meant, he worried, but thought better of it. He didn't want her to think he'd ever keep the truth from her.

 

He grabbed his sword, and entered the ring. The look on their King's face sent the pages and squires around the ring scattering.

 

With the first swing of his sword, Alistair didn't see a practice dummy, instead he saw the face of a certain Orlesian Arlessa. Each swing he took into the dummy he could hear her voice from all those years ago.

 

“If you were in Orlais you'd be chopped into pig slop, that's what we do with bastards.”

 

He could remember watching them celebrating Satinalia, while he shivered in the hay bales in the stable. He remembered every time she'd tell him he was worthless, that he should be happy with the meager scraps of food she'd allow him to have. He remembered how unloved he felt as a child. How he was always sure if he could just be a little better, he'd be worthy of their love. He remembered every time he was whipped for what he now knew were nothing more than normal childhood curiosity.

 

Alistair remembered every time he cried himself to sleep, alone, a scared little boy in a horse stable, wondering why everyone hated him so much, terrified that he'd be cut up into pig slop. That fueled his anger more, knowing there was a little girl in the castle feeling much that same way right now because of the same woman that had caused him to feel that.

 

Until Ari came along, he truly believed himself to be unlovable. He was unimportant, a nobody not worth a second thought. Then she came along, and loved him. Made him her brother, laughed at his jokes, defended him if anyone was less than kind to him. Until he'd met his best friend he didn't believe he was worth anything, but she made him understand that there was never anything wrong with him, that it was everyone else that should have cared for a little boy that let him down. But not the Hero. She loved him unconditionally and when life took a bad turn, it was he that she trusted with the one thing she treasured most in the world, her daughter.

 

He slammed his sword into the ground looking at the decimated dummy. There was no way in Thedas he was going to allow his ward to ever feel those same emotions that still warred within the grown King. There were too many days he'd still feel like he was not worthy of love, then the Princess would curl up in his lap and give him a kiss on his cheek, and he'd realize how wrong he was.

 

***

 

The next morning Isolde entered the King's office. The expression on her face made it clear she was annoyed to have been summoned. Alistair signaled for her to sit as he stood, and walked around his desk.

 

“What was so important Alistair?” she said his name with the same disdain she had said his entire life.

 

“It's _King_ Alistair,” he emphasized the title, as he leaned back on his desk, standing over her. “You seem to have trouble forgetting that _Arlessa_. You also seem to have trouble remembering that you are a guest in this house and just whose home this is.” He again kept his voice even, although what he really wanted to do was shout and shake the impossible woman.

 

She raised an eyebrow, clearly not used to being spoken to in such a manner. “Did I offend,  _ Your Majesty _ ” she said his title with little regard for the respect it deserved.

 

“You most definitely did. I had to explain to Princess Ele last night why you had called her a flat-eared rabbit.” he practically growled. “This is her home, that you would disrespect her so much in her own home is unacceptable. You spent my childhood making me feel unlovable and as if I was wrong for even being born. I refuse to let Ele think that about herself for one single second.”

 

Isolde's face paled, but she said nothing in her defense.

 

“You forget your place, Arlessa. I will make this clear so there is no room for misunderstanding. If I ever again hear of you referring to the Princess in any derogatory way, you will no longer be welcome in this or any of my homes.” he threatened, his voice steady, yet firm and powerful.

 

“Ali...Your majesty, surely you don't think my husband would abide by you not...”

 

“I have the power to remove yours and Eamon's title. Don't think for one second I am more loyal to him that I am to my own daughter. Try me Isolde, and you will find you both removed from Ferelden before you can blink. Am I perfectly clear? Ele Therin is your Princess and you will treat her with the respect she deserves or you can leave Ferelden.” The King glared at her, making it clear he was completely serious.

 

Isolde nodded, her lips thinned into a tight line. Her face red, betraying her annoyance, but she was at least smart enough to know she should say no more. She bowed, and made her way out of the office without another word.

 

Alistair waited until she left before moving off of his desk. He grabbed his sword and left to the training grounds knowing he had to blow off the anger that still coursed through him and come up with some way to make it better for Ele. The Princess had been particularly quiet and somber all day.

 

***

 

“Psst, wake up”, Alistair gently shook the sleeping Princess' arm.

 

She rubbed her eyes and blinked. It was very dark, she could barely make out who it was, but she knew the voice. “Uncle King?”

 

“Shh,” he whispered. “Don't wake anyone else up, get dressed quickly, I have a surprise.”

 

She nodded while yawning and crawled out of bed. She changed out of her sleep shirt, one of several that had been her Father's, into a pair of breeches and a soft shirt. She looked over at the King, he was dressed similar. He didn't look at all like the King, more like the Alistair of the blight, except for the beard. No one that saw him now would think him the King.

 

When she was dressed he stood and took her hand. “Remember, be quiet. We need to sneak out like rogues.”

 

“Like Mamá and Papá?” she asked, sounding a little excited.

 

“Exactly.” he nodded with a small grin.

 

They sneaked hand in hand through the residence hall. They both peeked their heads around the corner. As he'd been told to do, the guard looked in the other direction right then and didn't turn back around until after he heard the King and Princess pass. Ele watched and kept looking at Alistair with a large grin, enjoying that they were passing by the guard. If she could have seen his face, she would have seen the guard also trying to hide a smile knowing what they were up to.

 

They continued down the next hall. Suddenly the King flattened himself against the wall, Ele followed his lead and did the same. Alistair held a finger to his lips to let her know to be perfectly quiet. Two guards passed by them talking and seeming to not notice the King and Princess flattened against the wall with nothing around them to hide them. Ele couldn't believe that they didn't see them, she was a great rogue!!

 

They walked out into the courtyard. Two sentries were walking right towards them, Lieutenant Micah and Philson. Micah saw them and grabbed Philson by the arm and turned them both so they were suddenly turning away from the Royal pair. “Maker, we almost walked right up on them,” Philson laughed quietly realizing why they had to suddenly change course.

 

Once through the courtyard it was a quick run to the stables, both giggling as they ran still holding hands.

 

“Wow, you're a better rogue than anyone I ever met,” Alistair told the girl who looked proud. “Come on, we're almost there.”

 

He led her past the horses to the last paddock. When they walked into it her face lit up. In the corner was a full grown Mabari surrounded by three week old pups. The Princess squealed with delight. She and the King got down on the ground and sat near the pups. Several started climbing on the Princess who giggled at them. There were two who were solid black like their mother, two that were brown and another that was white with black paws. The puppies climbed all over the Princess and the King who laughed as they played with them.

 

“They're sooooo cute!” the Princess said to Alistair with wonder.

 

“You know, I think as the Princess of Ferelden you should have your own mabari,” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

 

She gasped, “Really?” barely able to contain her excitement.

 

Alistair nodded, “Which one would you like for your own? Pick one and we'll start it's training.”

 

Ele looked at them all, clearly trying to take this decision seriously. The white pup suddenly yipped once and then pressed her with his head. “This one.” she picked him up.

 

“I think he likes you too. Ok, I'll let Master Dennit know tomorrow. He's too little to be away from his mother just yet, but when he's a little older he can start following you, ok?”

 

“Thank you,” She nodded very excited and climbed up into the King's lap still holding the puppy. “Do you think they'll catch us sneaking back into the castle?” Ele asked him concerned.

 

“I think we'll be just fine, you being such a top class rogue and all,” he winked at her.

 

Just as he said, they made it all the way back to her room without anyone noticing them. She got back into her sleep shirt and climbed into bed. The King tucked her in and bent down to kiss her forehead. Ele reached up and gave him a hug around the neck as she kissed his cheek. Alistair couldn't stop the grin on his face. He'd managed to make her happy, and gave her something else to think about than Isolde's harsh words.

 

“I love you Uncle King,” she said through a yawn.

 


	8. Second Anniversary

**1 yr 5 mon AHD; 1 yr 2 mon ACE**

 

Cullen sat at the bar nursing his ale. He was dressed in civilian garb, hoping not to attract attention as the Commander of the Inquisition. He was here tonight on a more personal matter, and wished to go unrecognized. It was getting late, he wondered if she would be coming. Maybe she changed her mind, perhaps she decided to seek out her old beau again anyway. As he was finishing his drink he felt a soft touch on his arm.

 

He turned around looking down to see the face he'd waited so long to see, much longer than tonight. The smile she wore was warm and she looked genuinely happy to see him. He held out his arms and she rushed into them as he closed around her pulling her in tight, offering protection. She was small, her head only up to his chest. “Ari” he said with a smile, feeling her tighten the hug.

 

“I missed you so much, it's so good to see a friendly face again” she sighed looking up at him. She dug her head back into his chest and squeezed again. “Maker I've missed you, Cullen.”

 

“Come on,” he pried himself out of her arms laughing as she playfully fought off letting go. “Let's catch up in private.”

 

He led her in the back where the rooms were and held the door for her. If he were any other man, Ari would be telling him he was being presumptuous, but she'd learned long ago that Cullen was nothing if not a gentleman, and them having a shared room was nothing more than because he knew she wouldn't want to be alone, and not because he was expecting anything more to happen. Entering the room, she saw a cot set up on one side, proving that he had nothing but honorable intentions with the arrangement.

 

The room was actually fairly spacious. Besides the bed and cot there was a fireplace with a small couch, and an empty bathtub was in the room. Cullen's belongings were near his cot, and several red roses sat on the table by the couch.

 

“I figured after so long on the road you would like the luxury of a real bath. And I brought some roses, like your wedding. I thought we could set those on the water later, to remember.” he explained watching her expression.

 

Ari tried in vain to fight back the tears. It had been so long since she'd even seen a familiar face, so just seeing Cullen was enough. But to see that he'd recognized her need for tomorrow to be special, and he'd clearly gone to a lot of trouble to make sure it was. For the first time in so long she felt happy, even though tomorrow was a day of heartbreak, having a friend here today, and knowing she was not going to be alone tomorrow, that she would not be the only one to remember Zevran, she felt a sense of relief for the first time in a very long time.

 

“It's perfect, thank you, Cullen.” she wiped away the tears, giving him a warm smile while she placed down her travel bags near her bed.

 

He took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. “I'll have them bring you some hot water. I'll come back in an hour with dinner and we'll catch up. You go melt into the tub.”

 

She nodded and watched him go. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and two women arrived carrying large buckets of steaming water. They filled the tub and left without a word. Ari peeled off her road clothes and stepped into the tub. It was amazing!! She sunk in with a moan and felt her tired muscles relax immediately. If Cullen had nothing else but this tub to offer it would make this a great night just the same. A real, hot bath instead of a freezing cold stream. It had been so Maker Forsaken long since she'd had one, and she started to wonder if she could just stay in the tub all night. The hot water sunk into her tired body, all the tension she'd been feeling, all the nervousness at seeing her old friend melted away into the hot water. She did nothing but lie there for several minutes basking in the luxury. She took the soap and wash cloth and began to scrub all the dirt from her body.

 

Once her hair was cleaned, she stepped out of the tub, plucking the towel from the nearby stool and dried off. It wasn't until then that she noticed there was clothing sitting on her bed. She looked closer and realized with tears coming to her eyes again that these were hers. Somehow he must have procured some from either Fergus or Alistair. There was a grey dress that Zevran had given her. While she was sure that was just a coincidence, that none of the men would have known that, she smiled just the same. She decided she'd wear that tomorrow, for Zevran. There was also a blue dress which was simpler and would fit in at the tavern better. She put that on, and admired herself in the mirror. It was the first time in almost a year and a half since she looked like the Ari of old.

 

She moved to the door and beckoned the maids to carry out the water and tub and asked another if she could have her leathers cleaned, handing the woman a few silver coins.

 

As the last of the servants were leaving Cullen entered carrying a tray with him. He grinned seeing her in the dress he had left for her. “You look familiar,” he teased.

 

“Cullen, thank you, for all of this. I just, feel...” she looked lost for words.

 

“More like yourself?” he suggested, and she nodded gratefully. “If a few old dresses make you that happy, dinner is going to make you positively giddy.”

 

Sitting next to him on the couch she looked at the table, he had two plates with ram, potatoes and bread. There was some tiny cakes (Maker bless Orlais) and wine. He poured two glasses and handed her one. “To old friends,” he toasted as they both drank.

 

As they ate he told her about his work with the Inquisition. Ari couldn't help but notice how his face lit up whenever he spoke about the Inquisitor. It was clear based on the fact that he only used her title that they were not involved, but she didn't miss that he must view the Herald as more.

 

***

 

The Antivan sun was warm on her face. She could hear Zevran chuckle as he twirled her in a dance. Ari liked him in Antiva. Since they'd arrived he'd been more relaxed, happier even. He was forever pulling her into an embrace, kissing her hand, holding her tightly as they'd walk down the streets of the city he loved so much. She loved every single moment of it. For him to pull her into a dance while street musicians played was nothing new. He twirled her until she fell into his arms. The smile on his face was warm, like the sun. Zevran held the one hand he had twirled her in with his. The other he used to run along her neck and pull her in for a soft kiss. “Mi Amor” his whispered against her lips before twirling her again.

 

Ari came out of the spin and they were no longer in Antiva. They were in Denerim, atop the tower, the Archdemon snarling at them. To her left she could see Alistair and Wynne. To her right was Loghain and Zevran. She was no longer in her dress, but instead in her fighting leathers. She reached behind and grabbed her blades as they all started circling. The Archdemon swiped at them and they ducked and weaved. Alistair got a good hit on the beast's arm, Wynne was casting a protection spell on the party.

 

The Archdemon reared it's head up in a roar, this was it, they could win. When it brought it's head down it opened it's mouth and before she could blink it had swallowed Zevran whole. Ari collapsed. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't right. He wasn't there with them when they had fought the Archdemon. She had left him down on the ground, how could he be up here, how could he be gone.

 

Someone started to scream.

 

Ari jolted up with a start. The room was dark around her, just the fire flickering softly. It was then that she noticed someone's hands were on her arms, as if trying to shake her awake. She blinked a few times, and Cullen's face came into focus.

 

“Hey, are you with me?” he asked softly.

 

She nodded, it had just been a dream. A horrible, awful dream, and reality wasn't all that much better.

 

“What time is it?” she asked, brushing the sleep from her eyes. “Sorry I woke you.”

 

“Just before dawn, and you didn't, I was already up. Sleep and I don't exactly get along.” he said, standing and moving back to his things. “Since we're both up, let's see if the kitchen is open and then go to the water.”

 

Ari nodded. “Kirkwall didn't exactly help your nightmares then?” She started changing into the grey dress. Once dressed, she reached into her bag and pulled out a box. From there she took a silverite necklace and placed it around her neck. Her hand instinctively went to the pendant and rubbed it. She was lost in her own thoughts until she felt Cullen tug at her hand.

 

Turning she saw he was dressed and holding the roses. They grabbed a few slices of bread and apples from the kitchen on their way out and walked in silence to a secluded part of the water.

 

She took one of the roses from his hands, twirling it nervously. Cullen watched her for a few minutes before deciding he should go first to help her nerves.

 

“He found an enjoyment out of every moment of life. It was hard not to want to be like that. You just wanted to be in his space. You will not be forgotten my friend. I'll do my best to keep your family safe.” Cullen then bent and placed the rose on the water, watching it quietly float out.

 

He walked back to his friend, she was still twirling the rose. Ari nodded quietly to him and went to the water. He could see her look up as if having a private conversation. She then kissed the rose and placed it on the water, but did not move away. She watched the flower float down stream, carrying with it her love.

 

When she returned to where Cullen was standing he took her hand and led her under a nearby tree where they both sat. Cullen tore the bread in half and handed it to her along with an apple. They ate in silence while Ari continued to watch the water.

“The first time he kissed me it wasn't for romantic reasons. I think he was just trying to calm me down.” She turned her eyes up from her hands in her lap to see Cullen observing her quietly. “I was beating up a tree.”

 

Cullen chuckled. “He always did seem to find creative ways to deal with your temper. I seem to remember him once telling you jokes until you gave in.”

 

Ari gave a small smile at the memory.

 

***

 

She'd was so angry about the job that nearly went sour with the Crows fighting some slavers. They sat around the fire, Lysette on the opposite side, her eyes never leaving Zevran. Ari wanted nothing more than to walk across the fire pit and smack her silly.

 

Zevran seemed to sense the tension and gently grabbed her arm and pulled her into his lap. He brushed back the hair on her cheek behind her ear and kissed her cheek as he wrapped his arms around her.

 

“Did I tell you, my Warden,” he said into her ear while holding her close, “about the time I was on a mission to gather farm animals?”

 

She shook her head so he continued. “I was sent to a farm far off in Antiva, to get three animals for some noble. The farmer had a donkey that I picked as the strongest looking from all that he had there. 'I will take that donkey' I said. He nodded but explained that in those parts it was called an ass. Next on my list was a rabbit. I found one that looked to be the fastest, a bright white one. 'I will take this rabbit,' I said to the farmer. He nodded but explained that again, it had a different name, pullet he said.”

 

“Zev, I'm not in the mood...”

 

“Shh, listen, I am telling you my story.” he chuckled and kissed her cheek again. “The last item on my list was to find a rooster. I found one that looked as if he would be the best, 'I will take that Rooster,” I informed the farmer. He nodded but explained this was called a cock in these parts. I gathered the animals, but before I left he imparted on me some helpful information. 'The ass, it is a stubborn animal. If it doesn't want to move, it won't. If that happens, you must smack it.' So I left, on my way back to the noble with this menagerie of animals on the strangest contract ever.”

 

“Is there a point? You are not distracting me from wanting to smack that elf....”  
  


“My feisty love, hush. Anyway, so I walked through the country, carrying the rabbit and rooster while leading the donkey. Sure enough, a few hours out, the donkey stopped. Well I was unsure what to do, if I put down the rabbit or bird, they would take off. About that time a woman came walking along. She could see I was in a pickle, so she stopped and asked if she could help me. Oh, I was so relieved, mi amor. I nodded and asked her to hold my cock and pullet while I smacked my ass.”

 

Ari turned her head and gave Zevran a stern look. “That was bloody awful and you should be ashamed of yourself for that joke.”

 

Zevran squeezed her again. “Hmm... perhaps we should go to our tent where you can punish me properly for such a joke?”

 

“I don't like this Zev. What is going on when I am not here, why does she think she can touch you? She's been watching you all night.” Ari said ignoring his flirtation.

 

“Mi amor, ignore her. She is a child and not worth another thought. I do not know what is in her mind, but my Queen I do not encourage her when you are not here if that is your worry. You are the only woman I have eyes for.” he kissed her cheek again while taking one of her hands in his and rubbing it with his thumb. She did not look any less angry so he turned her face gently towards him.

 

“My Warden, it is only you, si” he kissed her. “Should we have loud sex near her tent so that you can make it clear I belong to you? Or perhaps we just retire and have angry sex. You were very inspiring in camp when you and Alistair were fighting.” While talking he ran his hands along her knowing the effect it would have.

 

She finally relaxed somewhat. “I do not like others messing with what's mine.” she sighed.

 

Zevran gently turned her face to look at him directly and said. “Tú eres mi amor, mi único amor. Me has dado una vida nueva, y estaré por siempre a tu lado.”

 

Ari's eyes teared as she kissed him. “I love you too.”

 

He was always proud to let everyone know she was with him and that he was totally and completely hers. He'd always been one to not let her dwell in her anger and hurt for long, to always pull her out of the abyss, and she adored him for it.

 

***

 

Cullen and Ari sat along the water for another hour exchanging stories and watching the sky light with the morning sun. As they finished their meal, Cullen stood, reaching out a hand to help her up, and they walked back to the inn. Cullen suspected she wouldn't be feeling up to being social with many others today, and she didn't seem to argue them holing up in the room with a few bottles of wine.

 

***

 

By mid-afternoon they were into the third game of chess. Lunch had been delivered, and from what he could tell, her spirits were better than he had expected. There were tears, and she'd thumb her necklace while lost in thought several times.

 

“Have you been to Denerim? Have you seen her?” she asked, knowing she didn't have to explain who she meant.

 

He nodded. “She's looking more and more like her father. The King is doing a good job with her, she seems happy. You picked a good guardian.”

 

Ari nodded. “I hope she understands. I hope she hasn't forgotten me.”

 

Cullen took her hand. “Of course she does, and she hasn't forgotten either one of you. She talks about you both often, even in her letters. Here, I have something for you.” He pulled a folded paper from his jacket and handed it to her.

 

Opening it, her tears welled up. It said “I love you Mama” on it, and it was a drawing of the two of them dancing. Ari held it to her heart, feeling the love that went into the drawing fill her. “Thank you, Cullen.”

 

“When I was there last, well, I did something that I hope was ok.” he sounded nervous. Ari watched him but said nothing so he continued. “There was a full moon while I was there, and I remembered about her picnics with Zevran, and I thought.... well I thought how many little habits I have came from doing things with my father, and how much I wish there was a chance to do those again with him. So I thought that maybe if she had a picnic it would help her remember him, and that it would be keeping something alive that they had together. Did I overstep?” He watched her closely, unsure what her reaction would be.

 

“Oh Cullen,” she squeezed his hand. “I think that was perfect. You know Eleanor adores you, I can't think of anyone better for her to share something like that with but you. I'm sure she loved it.”

 

He sighed, all the tension leaving, he had been worried she would have said he misjudged. “She did. She asked if we could do it again some time.”

 

“I hope you do. Thank you for thinking of that. It's sweet.”

 

***

 

The next morning they prepared to leave. Ari dressed in her newly cleaned leathers, handing her dresses back to Cullen. They promised that if she wasn't back in Denerim this time next year they would meet at a tavern in the Free Marches and have another memorial.

 

“This was what I needed.” she hugged him once more before flipping up her cloak. “I will write.”

 

Cullen watched to be sure no one followed until she was out of sight. He then mounted his horse and moved in the opposite direction back to Haven.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of what Zev said to her: "You are my love, my only love. You have given me a new life, and I shall forever remain at your side."
> 
> Thanks to MilernaFurey for the translation <3


	9. Found and Lost - Anders

**1 yr, 8 m AHD; 1 yr 5 m ACE**

 

“Come fellow mage, join us around the fire.” The blonde man, Phillip he had said his name was, motioned to Anders, having met him on the road. As they came upon the camp, Anders could see the whole camp was full of mages. He felt Justice settle inside him, and a genuine smile came to Anders face for the first time in almost two years.

 

“Everyone, this is Nate,” Phillip introduced Anders to the camp. Anders had panicked when asked for his name and had given the first that came to his mind.

 

Anders sat, and was soon handed a plate with beef and bread on it. He greedily ate it, partially because of being a Warden but also because he'd not had a good meal in months, afraid to get too close to towns. When his plate was empty, a young woman refilled it.

 

“I couldn't,” Anders started to say, “This is too generous...”

 

“We just ask that you offer help around camp where you can, depending on your skills.” Phillip explained. “You can hunt, or help with the fires or protection. What is it you do?”

 

“I'm a healer,” Anders offered.

 

“Wonderful, we only have one other, I'm sure he would happily use another set of hands.” Phillip clapped him on the back. “Now eat, there's plenty.”

 

***

 

Anders sat on the ground, a gathering of children around him as he told them fantastical stories, keeping them entertained while their parents worked about the camp. In the weeks he'd been there, he'd made himself a part of their camp. He not only was able to help with the camp, but he was overjoyed to find they needed help with entertaining the younger ones.

 

As his story ended and the children began to slowly wander back to their makeshift school, he felt a tap on his shoulder. When he turned, his face paled seeing who it was behind him. She said nothing, merely motioned for him to follow. Anders did, feeling the panic start to rise. She led him to a tent a little away from the camp and motioned for him to sit on the ground by her.

 

“Wynne, I...” he rushed to beg her not to tell him to leave.

 

“Shh, Anders. I'm not about to expose you, if I did I would have said something out there.” The older mage took his hand and patted it motherly. “I just wanted to see if you are ok. Find out why you are here of all places. I wish to help you, son, but I can't put the rest at risk.”

 

Anders exhaled the breath he'd been holding ever since she had tapped his shoulder. “You know what I did?”

 

She nodded but said nothing.

 

“I... I did not act alone in a matter of saying. But I alone am the one hunted. I just want somewhere to belong again.” he couldn't look her in the eye.

 

“You mean the spirit in you?” His eyes shot up when she said that. “Yes, my son, I know about it. I, too, have a spirit of Faith within me. We could sense another in you.”

 

“He was a friend, but now, he takes over, and things... happen.” Anders said, happy to finally have some one to talk to about this.

 

“What if I can show you how to control that? How to keep it so you are in control? I'll keep your secret, but in exchange we meet every day and I teach you.” she offered.

 

Tears filled his eyes, someone was finally on his side, someone wanted to help. He nodded, more than happy to meet her requirements.

 

“Good. The first thing you need to understand is that spirits, they don't understand emotions. So the more emotional you become, the more they are going to try to take over, to shut those emotions down. I'll teach you some meditation which will help with that.” She pat his hand again to reassure him.

 

***

 

Over the next two months, Anders kept his promise, meeting daily with Wynne who taught him not only how to meditate, but how to sense when Justice was preparing to take over, and how to block that. Wynne taught him how to cast a barrier spell that Justice couldn't break through, so that when he sensed the spirit trying to take over, he could contain him until Anders took back over. Justice tried to fight against it, but Wynne's spell worked perfectly, and the spirit finally relented, giving Anders back control.

 

For the first time in years, Anders felt a sense of hope. He was no longer under the spirit's thumb. On top of that, he finally had a sense of belonging somewhere. The other mages had made him part of their community.

 

He was sitting on the ground reading from a book of stories to several of the children. “One more, Uncle Nate.” A young girl, Caroline, asked. Anders chuckled and nodded starting in on another tale from the book. Besides Caroline snuggled along his side, there were four other kids sitting close to him wrapped around his every word. He knew each of them by name, and they all knew him as “Uncle Nate”.

 

Off on the far side some of the men were starting to gather. “Come Nate, we're starting a round of Wicked Grace,” one of them called over as he was giving good night kisses to the children and gently pointing them back to their parents.

 

Anders nodded with a grin and joined the group. They played several hands. Since they didn't have money to spare, they traded chips that represented chores. The mood was light with laughter filling the air around them.

 

“All, we have some new mages we found while hunting today. Please welcome them,” The lead hunter, Jensen, called out.

 

Everyone from the game turned to see the new mages, two women and three men. The new members looked around. The dark haired mage's face turned angry.

 

“What is _he_ doing here?” he growled looking at the group playing cards.

 

Jensen looked around, “Who? You mean Nate?”  
  


“That's not his name,” the man pointed. “That man there is Anders.”

 

Anders paled. The man pointing had been with him at the Kinloch Hold. They hadn't been friends even then. He wasn't sure there was any way to talk himself out of this. Before he had a chance to it seemed like everyone started yelling at once.

 

“Maker No”

 

“Stop, give him a chance to tell us his side”

 

“Chance? So he can blow something else up?”

 

“I let him watch my son!”

 

It seemed everyone had an opinion on him and they were all expressing in loudly. He heard a few of the children in the group starting to cry and heard one call out “Uncle Nate” as she was being pulled away by her mother.

 

He felt someone yank him harshly. Looking, Anders saw it was Wynne. She was taking advantage of the fact that everyone was yelling at each other to pull him away. She shoved his bag in his hand and a bedroll. “Quick. Leave while you still can. I'm sorry, I can do no more to help you, Anders.” she placed a motherly hand on his cheek.

 

He nodded and turned sadly, dashing away from the encampment before anyone had a chance to follow. He felt his heart break as he did, once again heading out alone, leaving behind a community he had come to consider home.

 

 


	10. A New Trick - Elissa and Alistair

1 yr 9 m AHD; 1 yr 6 m ACE

 

Elissa Cousland sat in a chair by the fire knitting a baby blanket for her sister who was expecting in a few months. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched her husband as he fidgeted nervously while pretending to pay attention to whatever reports his advisers had given him. The King and Princess were due to arrive soon to celebrate Fergus' Nameday, and Fergus was excited to see his niece. His excitement was endearing to Elissa, and a far cry from the man she had met 16 months ago.

 

Teyrn Cousland had been meeting with her brother, the Arl of Mercer – a town only a few hours from Highever. They were discussing trade or something, she couldn't recall what. That was mainly because she couldn't stop glancing at the man during dinner that night. It wasn't just his looks that Elissa found fascinating, it was the mystery behind his eyes. He was kind and thoughtful when he spoke, but whenever he thought no one was watching him she would see his eyes get this far away look and his appearance change to that of a man carrying a lot of sorrow.

 

After the Teyrn had left, Elissa asked her brother, Peter, about the Teyrn.

 

“Do you know much about him?” She asked, while trying not to show too much interest, pretending to play with a ribbon in her long blonde hair.

 

“Why sister, did Fergus Cousland catch your eye?” Peter teased her.

 

She shrugged, again trying to act nonchalant, “He just seemed so sad when left to his thoughts.”

 

Peter looked at her with a shocked expression. “You really don't remember what happened?”

 

“Obviously not, dear brother, if I'm asking,” she replied.

 

“Nearly his entire family was murdered by Rendon Howe during the Blight. His wife, his son, his parents. Only he and his sister survive and she disappeared with her daughter some time ago. I would imaging he's lonely.” Peter explained sadly.

 

“Oh,” her hands covered her mouth in shock. “That was _him_?”

 

Her heart broke for them man. That night she had written the Teyrn a letter. In it she told him how sorry she was she hadn't realized who he was when he was there, and how her heart worried for him. She had told him that should he ever need a friend, she would be happy to hear from him. That set in motion multiple letters between the two, quickly turning into actual visits from the Teyrn. Then 8 months ago he had proposed and two months later they were wed.

 

It wasn't until after they wed that he shared a secret with her – that the Princess was actually his missing niece. When he explained the reason behind the deception and why he couldn't tell her until they were wed she forgave him. In fact she was overjoyed and learning he had family after all. After that, she took time to get to know the girl, and the two quickly became friends. Elissa found the Princess to be sweet and kind. The girl clearly missed her mother dearly, and Elissa did what she could to fill the role as a female role model in her life.

 

The door closing at the far end of the resident quarters pulled her memories. She smirked looking at Fergus sit up straight and look to the door to the study. “Maker, you are too cute,” she commented, “I'm not sure who's more excited, you are her.”

 

Her wonder didn't last long as the door to the study flew open and Eleanor came running in, her arms wide open as she made a bee line straight for her Uncle. Once there Fergus picked the girl up into a spinning hug. The King followed another minute behind laughing. “So much for walking with me.”

 

Elissa rose to greet the man. It had been explained to her that here, in the privacy of their residence hall that he much preferred to just be Alistair and to leave the whole “Your Highness” thing on the other side of the door. It had taken some getting used to, to her it felt like she was being disrespectful, but as she got to know the man more, she realized he was very likable and had become like family to Fergus.

 

“Alistair, it is so good to see you both.” she smiled at him taking his hand.

 

“You as well, Elissa, Fergus,” he nodded to both, squeezing her hand before he moved to an empty seat by the fire.

 

***

 

Alistair watched while Fergus played with Eleanor. “You're both so good with her, natural.” he sounded a little sad.

 

“You're very good with her too.” Elissa patted his hand reassuringly.

 

Alistair shook his head. “I want to be. But I'm not so sure. I mean how can I be both mother and father to her? They were so good with her, I'm a poor substitute. I never know if I'm doing things right or not.”

 

Elissa smiled at him and squeezed the King's hand. “Alistair, look at her. She's healthy, she's happy, she's well behaved. You are doing amazing.”

 

He shrugged, “I wish I could do more, I have no clue how to do things for a little girl. Heck, I barely know what a normal boy would do.”

 

“Well that's easy,” Elissa knew exactly how to help him. “Would you like me to show you how she likes her hair done? It's very simple, but you could do it for her in Denerim if you'd like.”

 

The King's face lit up. “That would be amazing. I would like that very much.”

 

***

 

The Princess sat on the stool Elissa and placed in front of the bench that she and the King sat on. Elissa brushed the Princess' hair so it was in three sections – left, middle and right.

 

“You take the left section, and brush it together, same with the middle, then cross it like this. You then repeat with the right and middle as such. Then repeat with left again.” Elissa showed him step by step how to make a braid with the girl's hair. She then had him try. It took several times, and Eleanor started to lose patience, but a cookie from her Uncle Fergus helped settle her back down.

 

After a while the King was able to successfully create the braid without fail. He beamed at Elissa, while Eleanor looked at the braid in the mirror and smiled. He finally had something he could do with her that her mother would have done.


	11. Ninth Nameday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Correlates to chapter 22 in "Kirkwall Love Story"

**2 yr 1 m AHD; 1 yr 10 m ACE**

 

If you were to ask Alistair what he loved most about being King he would tell you it was having a real bed to sleep in wherever he went, even more than access to all the cheese he could want. No one expected him to sleep on a bedroll in a tent ever again. While he missed his friendships from the Blight and those nights around the fire, he did not miss sleeping on the ground.

 

It was for this reason that his bedroom was his sanctuary. No one was permitted to come to him for business here unless a matter of life or death. He allowed no one else in here, save the Princess. She was permitted access at any point. He'd made it clear that if she had a nightmare, she could enter during the night, and often times she'd sit on the ground coloring or reading while he relaxed by the fire.

 

It was for this reason that when he was awoken by the sound of the door opening he knew who it would be. And if he wasn't sure, the clicking of the nails of the mabari pup that followed her everywhere on the floor would have told him. The King kept his eyes closed, feigning sleep as he felt her climb onto the bed. He waited until he could tell she was right beside him and he sprung up, pulling her into his arms immediately tickling her. She squealed and laughed as she squirmed to get away. He finally let her go and she scurried to the other end of the bed still giggling.

 

“Well you're certainly in a good mood this morning. I wonder why that could be,” the King said, pretending to not know as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from his face. 

 

Perrito, her mabari jumped trying to get to his mistress on the bed. The Princess moved off the bed to the ground where she could pet the dog. She rolled her eyes at the King, “You know why!”

 

“Hmm...” he said scratching his chin. “Is it the day we trim my beard?” she giggled and rolled her eyes again. “No? Maybe we throw Commander Rylock in the lake to make her take a bath?” that got more giggles and a bark from the pup. “Oh,” he snapped his fingers. “That's right, it's the Princess' Nameday. Oh, too bad I forgot to get her a gift.”

 

She giggled again, and grabbed his hand to pull the King off the bed and stand on the ground. “You did not, and you are spending all day with me, remember?”

 

“I certainly do, so I guess you're ready to start the day then, Nameday girl?” he winked at her. “Ok, give me twenty minutes to bathe and get dressed and then I am yours all day.” She cheered and then she and her faithful pup, Perrito, left to let the King get ready for the day. 

 

It had now become a tradition that on the Princess' Nameday the King did not work. If there was something that was literally a matter of life or death, he could be disturbed, otherwise he was for all purposes, not the King that day, only Ele's Uncle. There would be a party later that day for her, but until then, it was just the two (three if you counted the pup) of them to go off and have an adventure.

 

***

 

The King and Princess walked hand in hand to the fishing pond. Since it was within the palace lands, guards were not necessary.

 

“Do you think Fenris will come?” she asked looking concerned.

 

“His letter said he would. I am sure he'll be here,” Alistair grinned at her, loving her excitement.

 

Once they reached the pond they each sat on the deck, with their poles over the water.  Perrito found a patch of sun in the grass to take a nap in. “So, what should we do with our catch today?” Alistair asked.

 

The Princess thought, and then her eyes lit up. “We should give them to Merle. He has a big family, and he's always nice to me, like when I fell down last week and was crying, he made it alright.”

 

“Ok, Merle it is then,” the King nodded. They always had more than enough, and so he and Ele made a point of giving away anything they caught or sometimes even excess gifts given to them, away to the staff, to show their appreciation.

 

“Uncle King, do you think Mamá remembers it's my Nameday?” she asked looking up at him.

 

“I know she does. And I bet where ever she is today, you are who she's thinking of,” Alistair poked her nose playfully.

 

“Do you think Papá can see me?” she asked again, still watching him.

 

“I do, which is why you need to be sure to eat all your vegetables.” he elbowed her.

 

“Even the yucky ones?” she asked, making a face.

 

“Especially the yucky ones.” he nodded. “You just add cheese to those.”

 

The girl giggled at him and laid her head upon his side.

 

“Do you want your gift?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Ele beamed up at him and nodded. Alistair picked her up and placed her sideways in her lap.

 

“I know you miss your parents, so I wanted to get you something special.” He explained as he reached into his pocket. “When I was a boy, I didn't know my mother. She died when I was born, and all I have from her was this locket.” He pulled out the locket he always wore from under his shirt. The Princess touched it, even though she had seen it many times before, she always wanted to touch it when she did. “When I was really sad, or lonely, I would take it out and look at it, and I'd think she was watching me, so I could talk to her.”

 

Alistair moved his hands around to the back of her head and latched something, when he moved them away the Princess looked stunned. Around her neck was a gold locket very much like his. “Open it,” he nodded to her.

 

Ele opened it, and inside were two tiny drawings. One of Ari and one of Zevran. She looked up at Alistair with wide eyes. “It's them” she said barely above a whisper.

 

The King nodded. “It is. Now whenever you miss them, you can open this up and see them, and you'll know that they are thinking about you right then too.”

 

“I love it. It's just like yours,” she touched his again. She leaned her head against his chest as she looked again at the drawings of her parents.

 

Alistair wrapped his arms around her and felt very happy that his gift was exactly what he had hoped. He knew what it was like to miss a parent, and to not be able to see or talk to them. He wanted to share with her something that had been a comfort to him as a child.

 

After another hour they had a large pile of fish and headed back to the Palace for her party. The Princess tugged on Alistair's hand and he looked down. “Thanks for fishing with me today.” she smiled at him.

 

“You are my favorite person to fish with, it was my pleasure,” he smiled at her and squeezed her hand.

 

***

 

They arrived to the party in time to hear Fergus refer to himself as the only real uncle.

 

“Now don't start that again,” laughed Alistair as he entered. He handed off the fish to Merle, who took them excitedly. As Alistair had his had extended to shake Fergus' he heard the squeal of a Princess behind him.

“FENRIS!!!” she cried out and launched herself at him hugging him about the waist.

“Well I guess we know where we rate.  _ After _ the elf,” Fergus chuckled to Nate and the King.

Princess Ele excitedly introduced Fenris to her friends that had come, and wouldn't let the elf out of her site for more than a few minutes at a time.

When it came time for presents she took her time with each person. Fergus and his wife, Elissa, went first, presenting her with ribbons for her hair. On her last visit to Highever, Elissa had taught Alistair how to braid Ele's hair and a few other simple styles so that he could do it himself. She thanked them both and then the Princess happily showed the ribbons to the King. “Can we put these in tomorrow?” she asked.

He held one up along his shoulder-length hair. “I don't know, I think this color doesn't go with my hair.”

The girl giggled again, “They're for my hair, not yours!”

“Oh,” he smiled, acting confused and winking to Fergus. “Yes, I think we can put these in tomorrow.”

She next went to Nathaniel. He bent down and presented her with a bow. He put his hand around her while explaining his gift. “Your grandmother Cousland was a great archer. I thought next time you come to Highever I could teach you how to use this.”

Eleanor looked at him excitedly. She loved hearing about her Grandparents. “Thanks Uncle Nate,” she threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. “Does Mamá know how to shoot a bow?”

“I tried to show her, but she wasn't very good,” he explained.

“I think that had more to do with the distraction of who the teacher was than her abilities,” Fergus laughed.

Nate shot him a look but laughed too, as did the King. Eleanor just watched them all unsure what was so funny.

Fenris and Hawke were next. Eleanor sat next to Fenris and opened his gift. Alistair watched amused, it was clear that whatever it was, Fenris was nervous about it. Alistair wished he could tell the man to relax, that quite assuredly whatever he gave her she would adore simply because it had come from him. The Princess had been talking non-stop about Fenris coming ever since she had gotten the reply letter. Alistair was sure that it was partially because, like her father, he was an elf, and therefore he reminded her of Zevran. But he knew it was also that she just thought he was fun.

The Princess was over the top excited at the book Fenris had given her. In it were stories about people of Ferelden, and when she saw there was one about her Grandparents in there, she could hardly contain herself.

“Will you read me this tonight for bedtime?” the Princess asked.

“I will,” he nodded, clearly relieved that she had enjoyed his gift.

***

The Princess laid in the covers of her bed, Fenris on one side of her, Hawke on the other. Fenris was reading to her from the book he had given her. While she listened, the Princess absentmindedly played with Hawke's fingers while fighting sleep.

Fenris finished a chapter and then looked down at Eleanor. “You are staring,” he said very matter of fact. Hawke tried not to laugh, he was so straight forward with the girl, as if she was a full adult.

“I'm sorry,” she said but still watched him and started to tear up. “I miss Papá.”

“Ah,” he nodded and pulled her close. He looked to Hawke, unsure what more to say, and hoping she'd have an idea.

“What was your favorite thing about your Papá”, Hawke asked her.

“He would read me stories, and always told me silly jokes, and sometimes he'd dance with Mamá and sing to her. And he'd always tuck me into bed and stay with me until I fell asleep and every night he'd tell me that I was the best present Mamá ever gave him. But I don't know what that means.” she said with a yawn as she snuggled closer to Fenris.

“It means that he treasured you more than anything else in the world,” Fenris answered. “Would you like for us to stay until you fall asleep?”

Eleanor nodded and settled in along Fenris' side with his arm around her until she surrendered to slumber.

 


	12. Meeting Her - Nate and ?

**2 yr 3 mon AHD; 2 yr ACE**

 

Nathaniel sat at the desk in the Warden-Commander office of Vigils Keep. He shifted through paperwork making notes. Life as a Warden was much less exciting when there wasn't a blight going. He almost wished for an Ogre to appear, just for something to do besides read reports. Off to one side was a letter and drawing from the Princess wishing him a Happy Nameday from the week before. He made a mental note to find an excuse to get to Denerim to see her soon. Maybe he could find out then if the King had heard from the Warden-Commander. He hadn't heard from her at all since she had crept out of his window nearly two years ago and he was worried what had become of her. Would they even know if she had died? He felt a little bit like he wanted to shove her in a mud puddle as often happened when they were children. This time it would be as payback for sticking him with this job.

 

He continued scratching down notes. A report on another possible sighting of Anders. He knew he would need to send Wardens to look into this one too, but everytime he did, the search proved fruitless. Either it was a wrongful sighting, or the slippery mage had already moved on. He was reading through a letter from the Inquisition about Darkspawn sightings when he heard a knock at the door.

 

Nathaniel beckoned them to enter without looking up from his reports. “Commander, this is the transfer from Orlais,” he heard Oghren explain.

 

Nathaniel reached his hand out for the paperwork without looking up. He read through the transfer, “From Lothering? Welcome back home then, Warde...” he lost his train of thought the moment he looked up.

 

The woman before him was breath taking. Long dark brown hair spilling over her shoulders. Her amber eyes shined. All thoughts of his reports, or even business at all left his mind. He stared at her lips, wondering what they would taste like. What would it feel like to run his hands through her hair.

 

Oghren's chuckling pulled him back into the present. “Nug got your tongue, Commander?”

 

Nathaniel shot Oghren a glare that seemed to set the dwarf into more chuckles.

 

“My apologies, Warden Hawke. Allow me to make it up to you by showing you around the Keep personally.” Nathaniel put down the paperwork, leading her to the door.

 

“Thank you Commander Howe” she smiled up at him causing his heart to beat faster.

 

“So, where have you been since Lothering?” Nathaniel asked as he showed her around.

 

“We fled there during the blight, to Kirkwall. From there it was the Wardens and Orlais.” she explained, nodding to some fellow Wardens.

 

“Kirkwall? Any relation to the Champion? I met her once.” he asked, looking for any excuse to keep talking to her.

 

Bethany made an expression that told him she'd been asked that before. “She's my sister. But she didn't become Champion until after I left. When did you meet her?”

 

“I believe it was _while_ she was becoming Champion,” he laughed.

“How about you? Any relation to Rendon Howe? I heard this was his home.” she asked, looking at him through long lashes that he suddenly felt the urge to press soft kisses to.

 

He nodded, hoping this would not be the kiss of death. “He was my father, and yes, this was our home. But I am not him, the Hero was able to see that and give me a chance with the Wardens to redeem my family name.”

 

She gave him a small grin, one that he couldn't help but return. “I tell you what Warden-Commander. I won't judge you based on your father, and you don't with me and my sister.”

 

“Deal” he said, pleased to find someone who understood what it felt like to be in someone else's shadow.

 


	13. Third Anniversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place shortly after the Hero leaves Fenris & Hawke in Chapter 24 of that story. Minor spoiler in her if you haven't read it (but not THAT much of a spoiler since it is Fenris & Hawke)

**2 yr 5 m AHD; 2 yr, 2 m ACE**

 

Evelyn flopped onto the empty chair in Dorian's corner of the library. Dorian could tell with a look that something was bothering his best friend.

 

“Oh, that is not a happy looking Inquisitor. Come, let's go watch your Commander run through drills. In this heat his shirt will be off in no time. That always cheers you up.” he rose taking her hand.

 

Evelyn pulled him back down into his chair. “He's not here, he's left on some personal matter for a few days. I don't know where or why, but I get the distinct impression Leliana does but she won't say,” she looked to the ceiling where the Spymaster's office was above.

 

“Ahh, so you miss having him to secretly pine over for a few days, he'll be back soon enough,” Dorian sat back in his chair.

 

Evelyn sighed. “That's just it. It's _where_ he's gone and with _who_ that worries me.” Dorian raised an eyebrow. “He left for a few days about this time last year too. And I heard soldiers talk, some of them saw him at some tavern with a red haired woman. They seemed real friendly, like they knew each other. They said they heard screaming coming out of the room late at night. And …. well now I think he's gone to see whoever she is again.”

 

Dorian played with his mustache. “Evelyn dear, I see the way the man looks at you, he's positively smitten, possibly even in love with you. Whoever this woman is,” he waved his hand in the air, “those men have it wrong. Perhaps she's one of his sisters, he has two you know. Trust me my dear, you have very little to fear from this woman. The Commander is positively yours.”

 

***

 

Ari sat in the back corner of the crowded Rusty Nail. She had hoped the back table would provide her some privacy, but no such luck. A soldier less drunk than she was was currently running a hand along her arm and flirting...badly. On any other given day she probably would have thrown him a bone anyway, Warden stamina being what it was. But today she was meeting someone. Her eyes lit as she saw who she was waiting for approach.

 

“Sorry soldier boy, I think you're about to be outranked,” she smirked as he placed a hand on the soldier's arm.

 

“Back off bud, I was here first talking....” the man's face blanched as he turned. “Commander, ser.” The soldier scurried off.

 

Cullen chuckled then sat next to his friend. He put an arm around her to hug her. “Maker, how much have you had to drink.” he made a face at her.

 

She shrugged. “So I feel a little hurt that everyone knows who you are but not me,” she laughed.

 

Cullen held up a finger to signal he'd be right back and then returned a moment later from the bar with a bottle of whiskey. He took a large drink from it.

 

“What are you doing?” Ari asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Catching up,” he shrugged and playfully elbowed her.

 

***

 

Another few hours later they had moved to their shared room, sitting on the couch playing chess. Badly. Both were fairly drunk at this point and the game reflected that.

 

Cullen pointed to the bandage on her arm. “Wass that?”

 

Ari looked at it for a moment and frowned. “Got it at a wedding.”

 

Cullen burst out laughing, in his state he was finding a lot amusing tonight. “How did you possibly get that at a wedding?”

 

She shrugged taking a shot as Cullen captured a piece of hers from the chess board. “Stupid Crow interrupted. Fenris helped me kick his ass.”

 

“Fenris was there?” Cullen asked surprised.

 

“Sure, was his wedding. Oh, him and Hawke, probably should have told you that?”, she moved a white piece on the board.

 

Cullen put the piece back. “You're playing black. I'm white” he made an exaggerated movement with his hand laughing again when she pouted. “Good for them, about time. Those two danced around each other for years.”

 

Ari laughed. “Riiiiight. Totally different than you and a certain Inquisitor.”

 

Cullen raised a eyebrow. “I have no... I have no idea what you're talking about” he slurred and took another shot as she captured one of his pieces on the board.

 

“Oh please. Every letter is 'Evelyn this' and 'Evelyn that'. You don't even use her title. You, my dear Commander are smitten.” she poked his nose a little harder than intended because of her drunken state.

 

Cullen shooed away her hand. “I am not!” but his blushing gave him away.

 

Ari pointed her finger and circled the air around his face. “That there says you're lying. Liar lying Commander. Lying lion. Lion liar...” she then broke down in a series of giggles.

 

He just shook his head with a grin and took another drink. “Ok, time to change the subject  _away_ from teasing me.” he reached over to grab his pack and dug through it. Once he found what he was looking for he handed her the paper.

 

She said nothing at first as she looked at the drawing. It was her Nameday party from what she could guess. She'd labeled Fenris, Nate, Fergus and his new wife, and the King. Ari's fingers brushed along the drawing. There was a puppy in the drawing too. Maybe it was her new pup, she wondered. But she didn't know, because she knew nothing at all about her daughter's life anymore. Not even if she owned a dog or not. This was one more Nameday she'd missed. One more milestone.  
  


Ari had stood while looking at the drawing. She stared at it. She didn't even know if she had a dog. How does a mother not know if her own child had a dog.

 

Cullen jumped when she picked up her glass and threw it at the fireplace screaming as it broke apart. That was not the reaction he was expecting and his drunken mind tried to catch up. “Ari?”

 

“Why don't I know if she has a dog?” she yelled.

 

“What?” he asked. He was _very_ drunk and this was not making sense to him.

 

“I should know if she has a dog. I should be there. This,” she waved her hands around, “is not what was supposed to happen. We were supposed to raise her, together. And he was supposed to be there when I couldn't anymore, when I had to leave. He promised! He promised he would be there, he _promised_ he'd make sure she was never alone. He promised me.” she threw another glass at the wall. “He lied to me, he lied and now he's dead and she's not with me, and I don't even know if she has a dog. He promised. She's going to be all alone.”

 

Cullen was in a panic. If he was sober maybe he'd know what to do. He stood up quickly and felt the room spin. He thought she'd be happy with the drawing, but she wasn't. She was yelling, about Zevran, he guessed although he wasn't understanding everything she was talking about. How could he calm her down he thought in a panic as a vase from the table broke against the door. His alcohol addled mind scrambled to come up with something. What had she said once about how Zevran had calmed her temper. He jumped hearing another breaking bottle as she screamed something about him being a blighted elf. His mind grasped onto what she had told him once.

 

Cullen moved in front of her and grabbed her by the shoulders to keep her still and then bent down and pressed his lips to hers. He started moving his hand from her arm to the back of her head but never made it that far. A moment later he was standing away holding his cheek where she had smacked him, a red mark appearing there.

 

“What the bloody hell, Cullen?” she asked glaring up at him.

 

Cullen suddenly remembered Zevran telling him how she had punched out a Hurlock once when she'd been angry at Alistair. Thinking of that and looking at her face he was suddenly worried there would be a repeat, but with him instead of a Hurlock.

 

“I'm sorry, I was …. you were angry... and then I remembered you said Zevran once kissed you when you were hitting a tree...” as soon as the words left his mouth he knew it was a mistake.

 

Ari pushed him away with both her hands on his chest. “YOU. ARE. NOT. ZEV. How dare you! This.. this was a mistake. I'm leaving.” She grabbed up her pack and stormed out the door while he held his cheek trying again to catch his brain up. He replayed the last few minutes and visibly flinched at what he'd done.

 

A moment later he was rushing through the tavern to try to find her. “What's the matter Commander. Your girlfriend find out about the Inquisitor?” Cullen glared at the soldier.

 

He'd been looking for someone to send to the Hissing Wastes, and he'd just found his volunteer. Despite his drunkenness, the Commander came out in him. He stalked over to the soldier, towering over the man when he was in front of him. “You and I will be talking about your new assignment back at Skyhold.” he growled as he walked out the door. He turned his head in all directions trying to figure out where she had gone too before he noticed her red hair near the stables. Cullen rushed over there, the cold night air helping sober him up some.

 

“Ari, wait,” he called out as he got closer. She ignored him continuing to ready her pack. “Wait,” he said spinning her around. “I'm sorry, I made a mistake. But tell me what's going on, clearly something is wrong.”

 

“Of course it is Cullen. Everything is wrong. This whole mess is wrong. That I have to look over my shoulder every second for the blighted Crows. That I'm out here instead of in Denerim. That there's Maker forsaken roses on the table in there for a tribute instead of Zev, it's all wrong.” she turned away again.

 

“That's not what I mean. Please, tell me what was all that, with Eleanor's drawing. What was that about you leaving?” he moved in front of her again.

 

“Just promise me you'll be there for her. Make sure she's loved. Make sure whoever she marries one day is good enough for her. She adores you, just be there.” she said looking up at him with tears forming in her eyes.

 

“Of course I will. But so will you, you'll find this cure you're looking for. We'll figure something out with the Crows, the Inquisition has pull now.” he tried to reassure her.

 

She shook her head. “No, it's too late. I won't be there. There's no time left.” tears started slowly falling.

 

“What are you talking about? You're scaring me Ari, what aren't you telling me?” he held her arms gently to keep her from turning away again.

 

She shook her head, tears flowing easily now. “She's going to be all alone. He was supposed to be there for her now. And now she's going to be alone.” Ari looked up at Cullen.

 

“Is this one of those Warden things you can't tell me?” he guessed. When she nodded Cullen pulled her in close and wrapped his arms around her while she cried. Once her sobbing slowed he picked up her pack and led her back to their room.

 

***

 

Cullen was stretched on the bed, Ari resting alongside him, his arm around her in a hug. They were both clothed, but the bed had provided the only space large enough for them to both stretch out.

 

“What was her name? The woman you said you lost during the blight?” she asked him.

 

“Solona. Solona Amell.” he said with a sigh. He hadn't thought of her in a long time.

 

“Did she know? How you felt I mean.” She watched him as he shook his head.

 

“You should tell her.”

 

“She's dead, Ari.” he looked at her confused.

 

Ari playfully batted at his arm. “I mean Evelyn, brat. Tell her, before something happens. Don't repeat your mistakes. Tell her.”

 

Cullen shook his head. “It wouldn't be appropriate. She's the Inquisitor, I'm her Commander. We're at war. Besides, she's a noble and I'm just a Farmer's son from a small town in Ferelden.”

 

“Perhaps, Farmer boy. But you also lead the most powerful army in Thedas,” she started counting on her fingers, “The favorite uncle of the most powerful little girl in Ferelden, and just earlier today you kissed the Teyrna of Ferelden. I think you're selling yourself short.”

 

Cullen winced, “Maker, I'm sorry about that.”

 

Ari giggled. “Let's call us even. I did it first.” she referred to when she had kissed him years ago shortly after the funeral for Zevran.

 

Cullen snorted as he chuckled and pulled her in for another hug. “Deal.”

 


	14. Notes - The King and The Princess

**2 yr 11 m AHD; 2 yr 8 m ACE**

 

Princess Ele concentrated on the map of Thedas in front of her. The adults were talking about land rights and something, but her focus was on the map. She knew she was supposed to be paying attention, but they'd been talking for so long and it had gotten boring. She was currently looking at the map through squinted eyes, tilting her head back and forth.

 

The King caught what she was doing and gave her a playful nudge.

 

“Lake Calenhad looks like a nug when you squint and turn your head this way,” she said to him quietly, turning her head sideways.

 

The King followed her instructions and quietly answered her with a chuckle. “It does.” Ele giggled in reply.

 

Eamon rolled his eyes at the other end of the table. “If you two are quiet done identifying animals in the in the landscape, we have serious business to discuss.” his voice giving away his lack of humor at the Royals.

 

The King stood straight, “Right”, he coughed, elbowing the Princess who stood up, covering her mouth to stifle a giggle. “Stop it, you'll make me laugh” he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, causing more giggles to leave her.

 

Eamon sighed again. “Your Highness”

 

Alistair nodded trying again to look serious. “Yes, trade. Where are we with negotiations with Southern Nevarra?”

 

“We've made slow progress. They have resources we need to help the rebuilding efforts. I would like to reiterate how much further we'd get if we had an alliance.” Eamon replied.

 

“That matter is no longer up for discussion.” Alistair answered, his voice turning serious enough that the Princess stopped giggling immediately.

 

“I think you need to reconsider, for what is best...”

 

Alistair held up his hand, glaring at Eamon. He was steadied himself, feeling his voice getting ready to yell. He looked down at the Princess who was watching both men, her eyes wide as saucers. The King looked back up.

 

“Teagan, is that your stomach I hear growling?” he asked.

 

“Pardon?” Teagan answered.

 

“No, it's quite alright. I'm sure your probably famished. Perhaps the Princes could show you where the cookies from yesterday are left.” The King nodded, eyes not leaving Teagan.

 

“Oh. Oh yes, Your Highness, quite kind of you. Would you mind, Princess?” Teagan asked catching on. He held his hand out to the Princess who took it and walked out with the man.

 

Alistair counted to ten after they had left the room before turning his attention back to Eamon. “What part of the matter is closed did you not understand?” he growled.

 

“It's my job as your adviser to tell you that I think we should reconsider. The trade this would open will benefit....” Eamon started to explain.

 

“I understand, and if it's so bloody important, find another possible union. I will _not_ marry that woman.” Alistair glared again at Eamon.

 

“Are you going to put some _attachment_ to a child that isn't even yours above the responsibility you have to the people of Ferelden?” Eamon spat.

 

Alistair, gripped the desk with his hand. “Legally that child is completely mine. Or did you forget the documentation we put together. And I am not forgetting my responsibility to her.  **That** I put ahead of anything else.” He could no longer keep his voice from raising at this point.

 

“And then what of the rebuilding effort, you just let those people suffer?” Eamon glared back.

 

“No. That is your job as my adviser to find another way.” Alistair replied, yelling now.

 

“You are being stubborn,” Eamon said, acting as if talking to a child.

 

“And you are being an ass. Maybe you have no qualms about sending a boy you were supposed to care for to live in the stables just to please some new wife but that will **not** happen here. I will not send her away just to make some noble I don't even want to marry in the first place happy. You want a trade agreement so bad, you find another union or another solution.” Alistair said, practically a roar.

 

“Alistair, you...”

 

“ **NO**. The matter is closed. Don't make me remind you what thin ice you are already on thanks to your peach of a wife, Eamon.” The King shut him down storming out of the room to his adjoining office.

 

Alistair down into the chair in his office with a grunt. His hand running down his face to his beard. It was days like this he really missed Ari. She would have put Eamon in his place within minutes. He tried to be the King she saw in him, but years of conditioning to follow Eamon's word unquestioningly was hard to fight.

 

While Alistair tried to rid himself of his annoyance his eyes landed upon a piece of paper not with any of the other stacks, just sitting there on the desk. When he picked it up, he noticed a cookie under it.

 

_Don't let Arl Eamon be too mean to you. I saved you a cookie. Teagen tried to steal it but I fought him off with my rogue skills. He said I'm as good a rogue as Mamá._

_I love you_

 

_Ele_

 

Alistair couldn't help the grin that took over his face as he reread the note and ate the cookie. Just like that his dark mood was gone. That little girl was worth whatever struggles he had to go through, he thought.

 

***

 

He found little notes around the rest of the day.

 

Alistair went into his bedroom to change for yet another meeting. When he entered his changing room he saw a note pinned to his blue robe.

 

_Wear this one, it's my favorite color. It's like when you were a Warden._

_Ele_

 

He smiled as he put on the blue robe as she requested. Entering the meeting room her little face lit up when she saw he was wearing it. He gave her a small wink, his heart filled with joy that such a small thing could make her so happy.

 

***

 

The King sat at his throne waiting for yet another report on the Inquisition, or cattle, or wheat, he honestly didn't know, he'd lost interest twenty minutes ago. He'd been rushing from meeting to meeting all day so that, except for the cookie the Princess had left on his desk, he hadn't eaten since breakfast. Even though he was King, his Warden blood didn't care and his stomach yelled at him for skipping lunch. Alistair shifted in his chair, and looked down when he felt something brush along him. There was another note there. He knew who it was from without even having to read it.

 

_Don't slouch. We are royalty and need to look the part._

_Ele_

 

He chuckled to himself seeing her use his own words to lecture him.

 

***

 

Alistair entered his room again, this time to pick up papers he had left in there previously for his final meeting of the day. There was a note near the mirror that he had somehow missed last time.

 

_I like how my hair is braided today. It's really pretty. Thank you for braiding it for me. None of my friends dads know how to do their hair._

 

_Love Ele_

 

Alistair put the note back on the table, he'd be saving that with all the others. He was so grateful that Elissa had taught him how to do her hair, it became one more thing he could share with his ward. And, it seemed she liked it too.

 

***

 

Dinner with local Arls and their wives was not exactly his idea of fun. Most of them were gossiping social climbers. There were a few that actually cared about their people, but those were rare. Alistair understood the need for the politics even if he didn't agree with it, and he had become adept over the years of how to appear interested. He'd also learned that many thought him an idiot. It was something he'd learned to use to his advantage, to gather more information then they might normally say in front of someone. The good part of this event was there was finally some Maker forsaken food.

 

He sat at his head table, food piled on his plate while over on one end he could see the Princess charming a group of the Arl's wives with her usual nine-year-old cuteness. He was half listening to some of the conversations around him, grateful that no one actually seemed interested in talking to him since at this point all he really wanted to do was finally eat a meal.

 

He heard a few of the wives talking in the corner. Like usual, they seemed to just assume he couldn't hear them, or was just too dumb to understand.

 

“The poor girl, no mother to help raise her.” the Lady Bryland said.

 

“She must be so lonely. I can't imagine his Majesty knows much about how to care for a child, much less a girl. The poor dear.” Lady Wulff agreed.

 

Alistair looked down to his plate of food and back up to where the Princess stood talking to her audience. He probably should be angry at the Ladies, but they were only echoing his own fears about what type of job he was doing.

 

***

 

Alistair was tucking Ele into bed, having just finished her bed time story. He laid on top of the covers as had become their nightly ritual, talking a little before she'd fall asleep.

 

“Thank you for all my notes today. Those were very thoughtful, and made my day much better.” The King said to her with a warm smile.

 

She moved up the bed a little bit until she was snuggled into his arm. “You're welcome she said” wrapping her hands around his bicep and laying her head on his shoulder.

 

The King watched her for a few minutes as she worried her lip. He could tell she was thinking of something to ask.

 

“Is something worrying you?” he decided this time not to wait for her.

 

“What if something happens to Mamá? What will happen to me?” she asked as her eyes watched his face.

 

Alistair moved his other arm so that he could hold her hands on his arm with his other hand. “Why are you worried about that, Ele?”

 

“I....” she looked down again.

 

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” he asked her.

 

She nodded. “I heard someone talking, they said that when you were a boy, that Arl Eamon got married and you had to go to the Chantry. Will I have to go there?”

 

Alistair squeezed her hands. “Not unless you want to. This is your home Ele, and it will always be your home, even when your mother comes back, this will still be your home. I won't let anyone ever take it away from you.”

 

She looked up at his face again, this time seeming less upset. “So, I can stay here? With you?”

 

Alistair chuckled. “Of course you can, I mean if you want to. Unless you'd be happier with your Aunt Elissa and Uncle Fergus.” he held his breath, waiting for her answer.

 

Eleanor squeezed his arm again. “I want to stay with you. I miss Papá, but your a good papá too.”

 

Alistair's heart soared. All his worry from earlier fell away, she had no idea the impact her words had on him. He kissed the top of her head as they snuggled.

 


	15. Alone No More - Anders/Ari

**3 yr 2 m AHD; 2 yr 11 m ACE**

 

Anders moved quietly through the woods trying to keep from detection. It had been over a year since he'd encountered more than a few passing travelers here or there, finally deciding it was just best if he kept to himself. Up ahead he could see the fires of a camp. He started moving east, to give it a wide berth not knowing who could be there when he heard voices.

 

“Damn bitch just killed Pete. Get her mate, we're gonna teach her a lesson.” he heard a gruff sounding male voice.

 

“Seriously? Can't any of you stupid bandits come up with something more creative then rape? It's like you don't even _try_ to use your brains.” he heard a woman taunt them.

 

“What? Wait, what?” the man replied.

 

“Ah, sorry, I guess I was mistaken by assuming you even _had_ brains to begin with” the woman chuckled.

 

He then heard a man scream and quiet before the woman spoke again. “Trying to sneak up on a rogue, not so smart. That's what you get, dead. Just you and me then”.

 

He heard a few grunts and then the woman cry out. That shook Anders from his eavesdropping as he took off towards the fire.

 

_**This is not our concern, we need to keep moving.** _

 

_You're supposed to be the spirit of Justice. How is letting a woman be attacked out here Justice._

 

_**We do not know who she is, perhaps she is a Templar. Maybe she's being attacked by mages.** _

 

_We're getting involved, so just keep quiet._

 

Anders got close enough that he could see the large male had a female pinned to a tree, but to her credit she was still fighting, trying to reach for something. Anders decided there wasn't time to wait for finding out what. He let loose a lightning bolt, hitting the man dead on in the back. The bandit shook violently then collapsed dead.

 

It was then that Anders got a first look at who the female was.  _ Shit _ , he thought.

 

_ **I told you we shouldn't have gotten involved** _ **.**

 

_Thank you, Justice. I think I figured that out myself. But I still had to help her. We just need to keep quiet, sneak away before she finds us._

 

He was kicking himself. He should have at least realized it was a Warden, but it had been so long since he'd been around one, he forgot that was what that sensation meant.

 

“Thank you. You can come out Warden. I’m no enemy of mages so you’re safe.” She called out. Anders remained silent, still debating if it was better to try a quiet escape or make himself known.

 

“I have enough nug for two, join me for dinner at least?” she tried again.

 

Anders stomach growled, making the decision for him. He hadn't eaten anything in two days. He sighed, resigned to his fate.

 

He stepped out into the firelight, and lowered his cloak. “I’ve had your roasted nug before, Warden Commander, not sure if that’s a threat or an offer of friendship.”

 

He cried out as something strong hit him in the face. Looking up from the ground he saw her shaking off the punch from her fist. He touched his nose and winced. Broken.

 

“I taught ew sed it was sefe” he replied.

 

Just heal your nose already, Anders”, she rolled her eyes at him, holding out her hand to help him up.

 

As soon as his nose was healed, she pulled him into a hug. “I am so angry at you, but I missed you, you ass.” She laughed

 

Anders stood still for a second, it had been years since any human contact, it was odd at first, but he quickly caught up and returned the hug. Holding Ari felt like heaven. She fit into his arms perfectly so that his head rested right on the top of his. It was as if she had been made for him, except she hadn't. She belonged to another, he reminded himself as he pulled away from the hug. “It’s good to see you too, Commander. What are you doing out here alone? Where is Zevran?”

 

Ari gave him an odd look, and then moved towards the fire. “Come on, dinner will burn if we don’t pull it off the fire now.”

 

Anders quirked an eyebrow, but followed her to the fire. When he sat she handed him a bowl filled with stew. He stared at if for a moment.

 

“Just eat it. I had a chef in Antiva, she taught me how to make a few things.” she rolled her eyes at him again. Maker, she was so adorable when she did that.

 

Anders took a tentative bite. It was good, and not just because he hadn't eaten in a few days. He finished it quickly and then another. When he looked up he could see her smiling at him.  _ “ _ I guess you were hungry then.” He started to apologize, but she shook him off. “No, it's good. You're still too skinny anyway.” she then gave him an appraising look. “Not sure how I feel about the beard yet.”

 

Anders chuckled and ran his hand along his chin. Life on the run hadn't allowed for much grooming, and he now had a beard several inches long. “What are you doing out here in the wilds of Orlais, Commander?”

 

“Just Ari, ok? And I was searching for something.” she answered.

 

“Ok, Ari,” he liked the feel of her name on his lips. “Did you find what you were looking for? It wasn't me, was it?” he felt some of the panic returning.

 

She shook her head. “It wasn't you, not that I'm not happy to see you. No, Warden business. Hopefully I did find it, I'm bringing it somewhere that will hopefully tell me for sure.”

 

Anders nodded. Having finished his meal he started to stand up, she quickly did the same.

 

“You could stay,” she rushed to say. “I mean sleep near the fire tonight if you want. I don't mind.”

 

While Justice tried to scream in his head, Anders knew he couldn't deny her.

 

_ **She is a danger. You are not in control around her.** _

 

_ Just for tonight _ , he tried to assure the spirit.

 

***

 

When Anders woke the next morning Ari was already packing up camp. “I forgot you seem to have trouble waking up in the mornings,” she teased him. He'd often been reprimanded in Vigils Keep for being late to morning training.

 

“Old habits die hard, Commander,” he teased back. He missed her. He liked how easy it was to fall back into a comfortable talk with her. How natural it felt. “You probably need to move on then?” he stood up, rolling up his bedroll.

 

“I can't stay anywhere too long. You...” she watched him closely. “You could come along, for today if you want.”

 

_**NO! We said just last night. This is dangerous. She will trick you, into a trap.** _

 

_What's the alternative? Keep moving around alone forever? What if she gets attacked again tonight? This is safer for her and I, better than traveling alone._

 

Ari watched him, clearly trying to decide what he should do. “It's ok if you don't, it's just, it's been a long time since I has someone to walk with.” she shrugged.

 

Anders refocused his eyes on her, knowing it was a losing battle. He nodded and followed her along the path when she turned to leave.

 

***

 

They walked through out the day. Ari talked through most of the journey. Anders wasn't sure if she was just excited to have someone to talk to or she was afraid of the silence. He enjoyed it either way. While he felt he had to keep Justice hidden, it was a nice change of pace to have someone that not only knew who he was and what he had done, but that his company was actually welcome. It was a good feeling to not have to hide his identity and just relax.

 

The skies turned dark early, indicating a storm was approaching. They spotted a house that had clearly been abandoned for a long time based on it's state, but was still enough to provide shelter from the storm.

 

Anders tore apart a few broken chairs and placed them in the fireplace, starting a fire with the flick of his wrist. Ari had moved into one of the other rooms to change and clean with the water basin she had taken with her in there. Anders tried unsuccessfully to not think about her removing her clothing in the other room.

 

He could feel Justice scratching just below the surface trying to push through. Anders realized it was the emotions he was feeling that Justice was reacting to. If he came to the surface, there was no way the Warden-Commander wouldn't put them both down for good.

 

He moved to his bedroll – both of them having decided to sleep in the main room of the house where the fireplace was. He sat in the same position Wynne had taught him and began the meditation exercises he had learned. He stayed like that until he could no longer feel the spirit.

 

When Anders opened his eyes he realized quite some time had passed. Ari was not only back in the room, but she had cleaned the pheasant they had caught and it was now cooking on a pike over the fire. She was sitting on her bedroll watching him, a bottle of Antivan brandy in one hand, a smirk across her face when he looked at her.

 

“I was beginning to wonder if you were coming back,” she smiled at him. “First the beard, and now you doing whatever that was. You're full of surprises”.

 

Anders couldn't help but smile back. “You don't get a lot of chance to shave when you're a fugitive.” he rubbed absentmindedly at his beard. “Plus it helps me from being recognized.”

 

“Well, you weren't able to fool me.” she replied. She watched his face, she had done that a lot while they walked, almost as if unsure he was really there.

 

“What?” he asked returning a smirk.

 

“It's nice. Just, to see a familiar face.” she looked down and then to the fire. “I haven't seen any since I saw Cullen eight months back.”

 

“Did you break his nose too?” Anders teased.

 

She shook her head. “No, but I did slap him pretty hard. He probably went back with a few bruises.”

 

“You're not particularly gentle with your friends. Are you?” he teased again. “I mean... I am a friend, right?”

 

“Of course you are, silly,” she grabbed his hand and squeezed. Anders felt his heart beat faster at the contact. When she pulled hers back he could feel the loss of her warmth. He tried to steady his breath again. He was acting like a virginal teenager with a crush, he chided himself.

 

“I saw your friends, Marian and Fenris, about a year ago. They helped me with a job.” she looked back to the fire.

 

Anders perked up more at the mention of his old comrades. “And they are good?”

 

Ari nodded again. “They're very good. They married, I got to be the witness. It was a very.... odd proposal though.” she laughed.

 

Anders chuckled. He was truly happy, knowing his best friend was out there somewhere, hopefully safe. And that she was now married, he hoped they were happy. He'd thought of them often over the last few years.

 

“Listen. Tomorrow,” Ari paused, her talking pulling him out of his thoughts. “I'm going to the Inquisition main base, Skyhold. I'm bringing them my findings.”

 

“Why the Inquisition? Why not the Wardens or the King?” Anders wondered.

 

“Cullen's there. I know I can trust him with this. But Anders, you may not want to go. It might be better if we separate tomorrow.” she was looking at the ground.

 

Anders felt a tightness in his chest, she was sending him away. He'd just found a friend, and she was telling him to leave.

 

She must have read his face, because she moved closer and took his hand again. “I don't want you to go, Anders. But I want you to have the choice. If you go with me, there's no way I can keep them from locking you up. I can offer my protection, so that you'll be treated fairly, but I can't prevent them from taking you into custody. But if you run, no one need ever know I saw you, you'd still be free.”

 

Anders could feel Justice begin to panic at the idea of being locked up. “Can I have tonight to think on it?” Anders asked, Ari nodded and then again, to his disappointment, let go of his hand to tend to the fire and check the dinner.

 

***

 

After their meal, Anders had fallen asleep. It had been so long since he'd been somewhere safe to sleep, that he rarely entered a deep sleep. Knowing he was somewhere that he could do so, he fell off without much thought. He still hadn't decided yet what to do the next day, meaning this might be the last opportunity to really sleep. When he awoke it was quiet, the storm seeming to have calmed for the moment. He looked to the other bedroll, it was empty. Anders sat up looking around and noticed her sitting by the fire. There were two empty bottles by her, another in her hand.  _ Maker, she could give Fenris a run for his money when it comes to drinking _ he thought. 

 

Anders rose and walked over beside her, it wasn't until he was seated that she looked up at him. Even sitting, she still only came up to his shoulder. He could see that she had been crying. In her hand she was holding a paper, a drawing that said “I love you Mama” in a child's writing.

 

“Is that from Eleanor?” he asked. She nodded but didn't speak, still looking at the drawing and taking another drink.

 

“Ari, did something happen to her?” he asked concerned. Something was definitely off, he'd known that since seeing her last night, and now she was drunk and crying over a drawing. He was terrified of her answer, but knew the only way he could help her was to ask.

 

Ari shook her head, and then leaned it on his shoulder. “She's ok from what I know. She's....” she then looked at him as if trying to decide what to tell him. He waited patiently while she made her decision. She began to speak again, having finally decided. “She's in Denerim, with King Alistair.”

 

Anders' mind wandered confused for a moment, and then slammed into the truth. “Maker!  _ She's _ Princess Ele, isn't she?” Ari nodded confirming it. Something was very wrong. Why would the King have her daughter? Why would they have everyone believing that the Princess was someone he'd adopted from an orphanage. Why was she with him, and not with Ari or Zevran. It wasn't adding up.

 

“Don't tell anyone, ok? The Crows are looking for her, and if they knew....” she didn't finish her sentence, instead dissolving into tears again. 

 

Anders put an arm around her and gave her a reaffirming squeeze. “I won't. Besides, who would I tell? I'm hiding, remember?” she snorted but nodded, resting her head against his shoulder again. Anders' mind continued to war in between relishing the feel of her so close to him, and trying to puzzle out what he was missing in this story.

 

“Is this why you are leaving your, whatever you have, with Cullen? So you can go back to Denerim?”

 

Ari shook her head and took another deep swig of the brandy. She was quiet for a long time, just staring at the drawing. She finished the bottle but still said nothing, finally folding the drawing back into her pocket before standing. Anders watched her but said nothing. He was trying still to read her, to figure out how to help.

 

She moved towards the window, looking out the broken panes as a flash of lightening crackled outside. Her hand punched through the glass as she screamed out. Anders jumped as she did so. Seconds later he was in front of her trying to take her hand.

 

“What the hell, Ari?” he scolded. His hands began to glow as he healed her after having looked to ensure there was no glass in the wounds. Once it was healed he still wouldn't let it go, instead rubbing his thumb along her knuckles as he watched her. There was still tears running down her face, but her breathing was faster, as if angry. “Sweetheart, “ he said rubbing away a tear from her cheek with the thumb of his free hand. “Tell me what's wrong.”

 

“I won't get back to Denerim,” she said quietly.

 

“Why, why not?” he asked, his one hand still holding hers, trying to reassure her with gentle rubbing.

 

“I'm hearing it,” she looked down, the tears flowing faster now. “I don't have time.”

 

“You're hearing what?” he asked, tilting her head back up to look at her. “Do you... you mean the calling?”

 

She nodded and his heart shattered at that exact moment. How could the Maker be so cruel as to put her in his path, only to have her be dying. He wanted to scream out himself at that moment, if nothing else, then to relieve the pain that now gripped his chest. He touched his forehead to hers and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He moved his head back again to look her in the eyes. “I'll go with you.” he replied. “When you go to the Deep Roads, I'll go.”

 

“Why?” she asked still looking at him with his hand still on her chin.

 

“Because you shouldn't be alone,”  _ because I love you. Because I don't want to be in a world you're not in anymore. _ “I won't let them turn you into one of those Broodmothers. You deserve better than that. I'll go with you and keep you safe.” his voice was very matter of fact. It wasn't up for discussion, there was no way he'd leave her alone to face this.

 

His hand still sat along her face. His thumb resting on her cheek and she was looking into his eyes. “Anders” she said just above a whisper, moving slightly closer to him. He could see a shiver run through her as his hand moved to caress her face and she leaned into it.

 

He was holding back every instinct to lean forward just a little and touch his lips to hers. Would her kiss be soft, or would she attack with a passion. Would she open up to him, what would her kiss taste like, he wondered. He wanted suddenly more than anything to push her back, feel her pressed between himself and the wall. Anders wanted to show her she was still alive, and so, completely desired. He was never so grateful for his robes as he was at that moment, that she couldn't see how tight his britches were becoming.

 

_**She is not yours. She belongs to the elf.** _

 

_I'm not sure. Why isn't he here then? If she was hearing her calling, he'd either be here with her or with their daughter. I knew something was wrong, something wasn't adding up. I think he's gone, possibly dead._

 

_**You are just speculating, hoping for an answer that allows you to give into your desires.** _

 

_She's scared, and alone, and she's dying. I love her, how can I not want to give her comfort._

 

Justice said nothing for a moment, and Anders pondered what that might mean.

 

_**Very well. If she will confirm this theory of yours, then I will not stop you.** _

 

“Ari,” he ran his thumb along her cheek, brushing close to her lips, and sensed another shiver through her. She blinked and seemed to lean closer. “Where is Zevran?”

 

She pulled back and turned away from him the moment the question left his lips.

 

Ari wrapped her arms around herself. He was right. She was so wrong for acting this way. It was one thing to give into the needs the taint pulsed through her with random strangers along the road. But to not only want to act on that with someone she knew. To want him to kiss her, to desire the feel of his lips on hers. To want him to care for her. That was a betrayal to her oath to Zev. She had promised to be his and his alone, and only three years later, she's looking at another man the way she used to look at him. And to the man Zevran had once thought she was having an affair with. Anders was right, she was being disloyal for even entertaining thoughts of wanting to kiss him. Of thinking of his touch, of desiring him. Maker, what was wrong with her that she couldn't just stay true to her husband.

 

Anders watched her, wishing he hadn't asked and had just acted. The one question, the one Justice forced him to ask seeming to have broken the spell. And now his arms felt empty, the air cold with her standing so far away.

 

He returned to his bedroll, not wanting to make matters worse for her. After another fifteen minutes he heard her settle into her blanket without a word. Anders tried without much success to hold back the tears he felt at knowing she was dying and that he had ruined his one chance to tell her how he really felt. He couldn't help but wonder if that had been Justice's plan when he'd suggested it.

 

***

 

Ari awoke with a start. Around the same time the Calling started back up, so did her nightmares. Sometimes it was Zevran's death, sometimes it was Howe's Captain attacking her in Highever, but they were getting more and more frequent. She tried to slow her breathing to calm herself.

 

She could hear some shuffling behind her and a moment later an arm wrapped around her and pulled her back against Anders. “You're safe” he whispered kissing the back of her head and wrapping the other arm around her. She fell back asleep quickly after that.

 

***

 

They were just out of sight of the guards of Skyhold when they stopped walking.

 

“Are you sure about this? You can still take off, I won't tell anyone I saw you.” Ari asked, taking Anders' hand in hers looking into his eyes.

 

Anders shook his head giving her hand a squeeze. “I told you before I'm going with you. When you head to the Deep Roads I'll be right there next to you.”

 

Ari stepped closer resting her head on his chest and Anders wrapped his arms around her resting his cheek on the top of her head like he had before. She fit there so perfectly, it seemed so unfair he'd be having to say goodbye so soon. He closed his eyes to commit to memory the feel of her in his arms. He could feel Justice practically screaming in his head. The knowledge that they'd be locked up making the spirit agitated, trying to claw for control again.

 

After a few minutes Ari stepped back. “You ready?” He nodded and they walked towards the guards in front of the massive keep.

 


	16. The News

**3 yr 2 m 1 w AHD; 2 yr 10 m ACE**

 

The King listened to the two Arls each giving their own argument over if funds should be spent either to make the roads safer from bandits or to provide aid to the farmers trying to rebuild and re-establish farms even this long after the blight. Both made valid points, and as King, he'd have to choose which to send away disappointed.

Teagan entered the room and walked quickly to Alistair's side. “My pardon your Majesty, but this just came, and I believe you'd want to see it right away.”

Alistair quirked an eyebrow and unfolded the letter. His eyes widened as he quickly read the words. “Gentleman, my apologies, but something just came up that requires my immediate attention. I am afraid I will need to leave Denerim in the morning. We will continue when I return.”

“Your Highness, you can't simply....” Arl Eamon started to say. Alistair handed him the note. The Arl read it, his shoulders fell defeated. “The King needs to leave right away. My apologies.”

***

Alistair practically ran through the halls of the Palace. He walked as quickly as he could without actually running. Arriving at his destination he threw open the door. Inside the Princess sat with her Tutor discussing the history of Ferelden.

“Your Majesty,” the tutor bowed when Alistair entered the room.

He nodded to her. “Lady Marie. I apologize for interrupting the lesson, but the Princess and I are leaving on a trip in the morning. She will have to continue this when she returns.”  
  
“Of course Your Majesty,” she answered leaving the room.

Princess Ele stood up and smiled seeing the King's excitement. He picked her up tossing her into the air with the largest grin she'd ever seen on his face. At ten, she was too big for most people to even pick her up, but she weighed a fraction of the armor, shield and sword he carried, so it was nothing to him. She giggled, throwing her arms around his neck when he caught her.

“Where are we going, Uncle King?” she asked.

“We are going, little one, to the Inquisition. We're going to go bring your mother home.” he laughed with so much happiness. The Princess cried out in joy and squeezed his neck as tears started running down her face, burying her head into his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now onto "Finding Life Again" which has been rewritten, so read it again <3


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